


The Spark in the Darkness

by echo_thread



Category: Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: A sprinkle of fluff, Action & Romance, Angst, Bad Poetry, Ben Solo is a badass, Epic Battles, Eventual Smut, F/M, Falling In Love, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Ghosts, Hurt/Comfort, Inappropriate Use of the Force, Kylo Ren Redemption, Leia Organa deserves better and gets it, POV Alternating, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Reconciliation, Redeemed Ben Solo, Sexual Tension, Started as freeform and turned into a 3 act plot how does this happen?, The Force Ships It, Virgin Rey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-03
Updated: 2018-06-30
Packaged: 2019-04-17 18:51:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 20
Words: 44,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14195463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/echo_thread/pseuds/echo_thread
Summary: This fic takes place immediately after the events of The Last Jedi. Kylo Ren is a non-functioning mess but the force ships it. Hard. Can Ben Solo face his past and win the girl? If you enjoyed the crazy speed of events of the trilogy so far, this fic is for you. Full redemption plot.***Rey stirred slightly next to him, her every languid movement writing itself on his consciousness. She was completely unaware of the effect she was having. He had put his durasteel wall up, and unless the force bond was playing tricks on them again, she only saw the façade he put on. And the façade was that he wasn’t utterly enthralled, utterly at her mercy. His face was pressed into the side of her neck, in what he thought was a natural behaviour of lovers. Casual. Unaffected. In the meantime his eyes were nearly rolling back in his head at the scent of her hair, the sensation of skin-to-skin contact. Her skin.How can she tolerate me. This is a trick.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Pain train leaving the station.

  
  
The air hung heavy around Kylo Ren in the newly re-abandoned rebel base. Crait had this acrid smell that infiltrated the sinuses and mucus membranes, adding to that infernal irritation that could tip a bad day into hellish territory. Never mind a day like today.  
  
Yes, it was the salt stinging his eyes. _You fool_. The full gravity of the situation was still numbed from him, the telltale sign of fresh trauma. He had gone through the last few hours reacting blindly, badly, like a piece of debris in a shipwreck. Ricocheting off inevitable obstacles with devastating speed in its predetermined course.  
  
The feeling was familiar, but when he got to that point on one of Snoke’s routine assignments, the collateral damage worked in his favor, shoring his reputation. The enemy, bystanders and even his own lower ranks were just so much meat to grind through. It was easy to convince him that the emotion stirred in him was growing strength and power. That is until the nagging undertow would begin again, that off-key note that rang in his core.  
  
Today was not that kind of day. He was the ground meat.  
  
The distant groan of the AT-ATs still advancing brought him back to the present moment. He was now the Supreme Leader, fully in control of this machine. This mess was solely his to deal with. This new power didn’t feel good, it felt strange and inconvenient.  
  
Like the landscape on Crait, the gaping wound Luke had re-opened bled unchecked. Kylo swore that the remnants of his soul were smeared all over that infernal salt-pan.  
  
“See you around kid” and the door of the Falcon had slammed shut in his face, like so many times before. But by Rey this time…  
  
_There, there’s the fuel again._ It would be enough to get him back to his private quarters. He launched back into the darkness, firing orders like ammunition.  
  
“Pull out all squadrons, prepare the reports. I want them now.“

“And the resistance ship?” Hux queried with thinly veiled contempt, referring to the Falcon that had now jumped into light speed.

“I suggest you don’t remind me of your incompetence.” Hux knew better then to argue with the obvious blame shift, stalking away fuming.

  
Ren silently absorbed the reports on the ride back. Only half of him listened, filling them away for future use, wordless intimidation deployed to cover for his lack of further orders. Hux’s eyes bored into him when he thought he wasn’t looking.The other half of him focused on just one task, to hold the raw strips of  his psyche together until he was alone. Just a little longer. The truth was he had been in complete submission, on his knees before her, as she shut the door on him. There had still been desperate hope in him even then, as vulnerable as a child.  
  
He collapsed in a heap on the floor the moment the door finally shut behind him, sobbing with a rawness he thought he was no longer capable of. The sob turned into a scream, which dragged every last breath out of him onto the cold grating beneath. He lay there for a while, entombed. Only her wide-eyed face shone like a lamp through the darkness. Sweet Rey, covered in tears. _You fool_. She had cracked him open like a nut and light streamed in, illuminating all the pain even more. She brought out a need in him he long sought to bury, and then left him in his pile of ashes.  
  
He hauled himself into the shower to rinse away the Crait salt. It stung his eyes. He willed the water to wash her away too, but she may as well have been carved into his soul.

 

***

  
  
The penetrating hum of the Supremacy played with his loneliness in that ever-familiar way. The grey walls were suffocating. His bed brought no comfort. His heart twisted in a silent horrified scream he couldn’t appease. _The connection is gone. She's gone._  
  
Ren tried to train it out of himself, taking the routine combat drills with the Knights of Ren to a new level of savagery. They thought it was because he had reached a greater power by becoming the Supreme Leader. He knew it was because he felt beaten like a dog. He pushed each one of them into a blind rage until they bezerked in self-defense. His muscles screamed with over-training and malnutrition. The purple under his eyes deepened to match his bruises. He was trying to mince himself up, self harm by proxy.  
  
Military meetings only served to highlight his lack of focus. Hux pushed forward with increasingly elaborate plans, showing an ambition he never would have dared to with Snoke, chomping at the bit. Ren struggled even paying attention. His rationalizations became increasingly brittle and the nihilism began to show through. He was broken in half like the ship he was on, but with the crucial difference was the ship was being repaired.  
  
Ren was sitting at a console, half dressed, unwashed, thousand yard stare going when the force connected them again. He was so far away he didn’t notice the telltale vacuum of sound.  
  
What was left of the resistance had sought a temporary refuge on an uninhabited moon. Rey was in the middle of taking apart a spare capacitor away from the others, relishing time alone. The landscape was a cathedral of jagged rock formations, and the thin atmosphere meant stars could always be seen during it's seven-hour rotation. It was an eerie kind beauty, it's harshness soothed her soul. She had pulled off the casing panel and was about to lift out the charge coils when suddenly Kylo Ren was in front of her. The sorry state of him made her drop the panel with a loud clang. Ren leapt to his feet activating his light saber into defense position while Rey screamed in response. He stared at her panting for a moment, slowly lowering his weapon.

“Is it Kylo Ren or is it Ben today.” Rey spat, regretting the words as they left her mouth. Ren flinched but remained silent. He looked utterly defeated. He sat down and continued dressing, putting on his gloves and jacket. Rey didn’t know what to make of it, tears spilling from her unwilling eyes.   
  
Finally he looked up, but not high enough to gaze at her face. His eyes moved over her body noting the little details. Her feminine form, the design of her belt, her knuckles white from clutching a tool, a strand of hair falling across her collarbone, her lips parted slightly, some soot on her neck.

Neither could form a thing to say.  
  
She longed to reach out to him, everything be damned but his mind remained purposefully snapped shut.

“Ben…” She stepped forward and reached for his arm and before she knew it, he grabbed her, pulled her forward and buried his face into her chest. on his knees, trembling, arms possessively around her hips. She held him close, hands in his dark hair, shocked to discover his body was warm and she could smell the intoxicating musk of his sweat mingled with his skin.  
  
Suddenly things felt right again, everything, every last bit of it. His mind opened and such anguish and relief flowed out it almost floored her, but he didn’t try to probe her, too ashamed. Rey pushed the love she felt into him like trying to save a dying animal.

“Can you see?” She asked gently.  
  
He dissolved in her arms and she never got her answer.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey gets a taste of the medicine usually dished at Kylo. Surprise, she doesn't like it!

The commotion of Rey’s scream had alerted those nearby. As Ren faded from view Rey looked up at half a dozen pairs of eyes fixed on her, among them Finn, Rose and Poe. Their horror was unmistakable. Rey’s head swam.

She had told no one about her trip to the Supremacy, or her frequent conversations with Kylo. She had meant to, but the words just wouldn’t form, and interruptions prevented her weak attempts. General Organa had seen the broken saber, and the woman’s acute intelligence no doubt deduced a few things, but she had thankfully allowed Rey the space to open up to her in her own time. Too late, they had all seen her embracing Kylo Ren. The enemy. The one who had been trying to slaughter them mere days ago. Finn abruptly turned on his heel and stalked back into the falcon radiating with betrayal, Rose fast on his heels. It was Poe who began to edge closer, uncertainty ready to congeal into distrust.

“What the hell was that? Is that your boyfriend? He is not a nice guy, I will tell you that now.” Rey almost smiled at the pilot’s ever charming delivery.

“I know” was all that she could manage, awkwardness crushing the air out of her lungs. 

Poe held his tongue, waiting for more.

“The force has been connecting us periodically, neither of us can stop it.” Rey sat down on a case of spare parts she had been sorting, suddenly feeling very weak.

“I had meant to tell someone but I didn’t know how. This is not what I expected to happen.” The last words slid out of her mouth flatly, reminding her of how defeated she felt by these strange intrusions. Poe searched her face, not unkindly.

“You had better speak with the General.” Then his face twisted in distaste.

“You should know that I personally witnessed him order the massacre of an entire village that day on Jakku.” He gave her a little wink. Rey felt physically ill. She thought he was about to go, when he pulled out his blaster.

“I’m sorry, but I think I’d better do it before anyone else gets the same stupid idea. Come with me, this had to be addressed by Command.”

Rey followed in acquiescence. She bore the onslaught of questioning and accusations patiently, bitterly regretting not having volunteered the information earlier. Now it appeared to everyone that there might have been intentional deception at play. General Organa looked on silently until Finn started to rip into her, every word dripping with shock and raw emotion.

“Enough! I would like to speak with Rey alone. “ Rey gave Finn a pleading look but he refused to meet her eyes.

Leia was softer in private. She placed a reassuring hand on Rey’s shoulder.

“You wouldn’t be the first girl to fall for a bad boy, but I need to know that we, the Resistance, are safe in all of this.” Rey nodded, bewildered at the sound of her own apparent feelings being encapsulated in such simple terms. It didn’t feel right to argue.

“I see the light in him. He saved my life…”

“Go on.”

“I’m sorry, I intended to tell you. I went to try to turn him, before the attack on Crait. He brought me to Snoke, but when that creep tried to make Ben kill me, he killed Snoke instead.“

Leia’s eyes widened, trying to process all the immense implications.

“Then he let you go?”

“He was unconscious when I left. He wouldn’t turn; he wouldn’t call off the attack on the transports. I failed.” Rey sobbed now, finally being able to talk to someone. Leia’s warm embrace was so comforting; she couldn’t understand how Ben could throw all this away.

“They told me he was on his knees before you. Maybe there is still hope for him. But we need to protect ourselves first.” The old woman spoke these last words with compelling urgency, squeezing Rey’s hands in hers.

“Of course, I wont tell him anything concerning the Resistance, I promise.”

“I know you wont dear.” Leia patted her hand warmly.

“I’d better go settle these kids, they are still quite shaken from everything else that has happened, and I don’t need them hunting innocent heads.”

There was not much privacy on the falcon, especially now, so Rey went away from the camp to think. She sensed the judgment radiating toward her as she passed by in silence. _I can’t blame them; I had the exact same attitude to Kylo only a few days ago._

So much had happened in such a short space of time. On Jakku she had stared up at the same constellations on countless sleepless nights. Now the sky was always alien. First Takodana, then Acht-to, and now this nameless moon. She had joined the Resistance, met her childhood heroes and began training as a Jedi. Not one of those things did she ever think were even remotely possible. The whole thing had been as confusing and traumatic as it had been exhilarating. But none of it, for some unfathomable reason, had made a mark on her like Ben Solo.

BB-8 rolled up beside her and uttered a few conciliatory beeps. “Thanks, I appreciate it.” The lack of judgment was so comforting.

She sat on a leveled outcropping and pulled out the two pieces of Luke’s light saber. _How am I supposed to be a leader and inspire hope when all my motives are being called into question? What would Luke say?_ She felt the weight of responsibility now, a small echo of what the old master must have faced. _And what would Kylo do now, that he is at the helm of the largest war machine in the galaxy?_ He showed no mercy for the Resistance, and Poe’s words rang loudly in her ears, jarring utterly with the earlier embrace. The image of the Resistance fleet being picked off one by one played on a loop, each transport had held dozens of souls.

She forced herself out of her dark thoughts by focusing on examining the construction of the light saber. On Jakku salvaging broken things was her bread and butter, now the task before her was bigger than she could have ever bargained for. Popping out the blue kyber crystal her heart sank as it fell into two pieces. _Two pieces will have to do._

She was on the second day of the reconstruction when the force connected them again. Suddenly he was there again, black as the night, glowering at the partially assembled weapon in her hands. He looked up and immediately sensed her confusion and turmoil about her feelings for him. His eyes unfocused and his heart sank.

“I should have expected this. By the way, you’re doing it wrong, the laser array needs to be reconfigured for the altered size of the crystals.“

Rey’s breath hung in her chest, trembling.

“Why are you helping me?”

“You’re working on trying to kill me, and I have a death wish, so there’s that.” Kylo replied flatly. Rey sensed a shifting ocean of feelings behind those words, one that threatened to tip him into volatility once more, but he remained calm watching her work.

“If I had wanted you dead, I would have killed you on the Supremacy.” She didn’t see Ben look down shyly, a small curve on his lips. _Maybe I should have_ , she wanted to add, but refrained. Her heart was beating hard with unreasoned anger, so she refocused her attention on the delicate maneuvers of her fingers.

“There are two insulator plugs missing.” Kylo noted after a long pause.

“You’re missing!” Rey retorted with tears in her eyes now, forgetting the light saber. “I almost died for you, I went into the heart of darkness for you!”

“For me? Or for your friends? Or your Jedi ways? You could have had ME.” He was angry too now, but he strained to keep it in check. Something about her presence stabilized him, even when she hated him, until she sobbed like he had just ripped open a scab.

“Don’t cry.” Somehow it sounded both like begging AND an order. Or was he talking to himself? The connection snapped shut.

Ray sat there a complete mess, all her emotions unzipped and tearing shreds off each other. Long moments passed and the world swam in her vision. Finally, she looked down at the saber and all his instructions made sense. She wiped the tears away with her armlet and went back to work.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A short sharp chapter before the plot comes into play (I promise there is one!)

Each time that the force connection ended, Kylo felt he was cast into hell anew. He didn’t know what was worse, never seeing her, or being forced to see her hating him. She embraced him, and then all the poison of his deeds drowned her love once more. And all the poison of her ‘friends’ no doubt. He hated that she was crying. He hated himself even more that he was the cause of it. He hated them most of all.

Ren strode purposefully to the knight armory, needing the company of his own friends. They were all there, pinned to the racks, every hand held weapon the Knights of Ren had ever collected on their relic scavenging missions.

He took of his jacket and gloves, and picked up a simple double weighed practice saber. Activating the sparing droid he began the dance, allowing all thoughts to fall away. Each move was economical, almost elegant, and devastatingly final. His fighting style wasn’t meant to be pretty; it went straight for the kill with every blow. It had taken him a long time to synthesize the forms and develop counter moves that turned defense into attack instantly. It didn’t always work of course but in the rare times he had to face a challenging opponent, this approach was the more psychologically intimidating one.

So how the hell did that girl best him on Starkiller? Of course he was severely weakened, and only aimed at recapturing her. He was perhaps too bewildered to see his own destinctive style deployed against him, in her own scrappy, hap-hazard manner. She went at him with a white-hot rage the Jedi were never supposed to use, and her saber attacked him with his own razor sharp logic. She had stalked HIM like prey in the end, teeth bare, nostrils flaring, eyes shining like daggers. He had deemed light only weakness, but she had proved him wrong.

There. It happened again. The droid landed a blow because he was thinking of Rey; there would be a new bruise tomorrow. Kylo threw down his weapon in frustration and force pulled his light saber while the droid activated it’s own substitute. This would hurt magnitudes more if it connected, galvanizing Kylo’s focus.

He had worked with such determined frenzy, he all but collapsed into bed. The certainty of another force connection in the future allowed him to drift to sleep, where previously he could not shut his eyes with terror at the prospect it was gone forever. He didn’t see Rey sit down next to him and trace the shape of his face with her fingertips. Hovering, not risking touch lest the surge in the force awaken him. He was so beautiful like this she thought. There were scars and bruises on his body, some of which she had given him, but his face was at peace. No rage, no conflict. He looked younger, more innocent.

She was in the Falcon, and there was activity all around her, but no one could see him, or why she looked so calm and serene, gazing softly at empty space. The other resistance members wandered away one by one until by chance she was completely alone. Tentatively, she put her hand on his, wondering if there would be a reaction after all. Sure enough the force rippled up her arm in waves and his eyes flashed open. Rey looked away, hoping he couldn’t see the embarrassment on her face as he sat up riveted, male instinct ignited.

“I found out why the connections have been so short. They must be destabilized by uncontrolled emotion. I have been here for an hour already.” _Kriff! Watching him sleep. And yes, you did just admit to that._

He was sitting shirtless; possibly pant less, she couldn’t tell for the heavy grey blanket over his lower half. Rey could almost feel the heat of his body, causing cascading reactions in her own.

“I can’t let the others see you again” she whispered scanning the doors anxiously.

“Again…” Kylo began to deduce more rules of how the connection really worked. It seemed direct touch made him visible in her location. He thought back to the last time they touched. She was so close, only an arm span away.

“Let them, you’re mine.”

“Mine??!!” Her temper flared.

“And I’m yours.” Kylo began to lean in to her. _He must be still half asleep to have such poor judgment_ , Rey thought as she jumped off the seat to maintain distance. But her legs felt weak and her heart was thundering at the intensity in his eyes. He stopped his advance but maintained eye contact, chest rising and falling. There was a challenge there – _stop lying to yourself, you want this._ The connection snapped shut.

Kylo fell back into his bed staring into the familiar ceiling, rubbing his hand over his face with a frustrated groan. _She’s a virgin_ , he thought incredulously. Of course, what did he expect? Her eyes had been the size of plates.

If she was right and it was the intensity of feeling that severed the force link, they had no hope of fulfilling their desires. It had a cruel poetry to it. It also meant that if he wanted to spend time with her, he had to keep his emotions in check, even more than he had been doing. And somehow not upset her. That’s all he ever seemed to do, the thought settled into him like a cold finger pocking at his heart. The guilt and shame returned and he rolled over, burying his face in despair, lost once more in the past.

He didn’t know how much time had passed but she was by his side once more, sending out powerful undulations in the force, a pale blur in the corner of his vision.

“Again?” He questioned but refused to meet her eyes, sinking back into his nest of misery.

“I don’t know why it’s happening so soon” Rey whispered by way of apology.

None of that male bravado was there any more, she realized her rejection had stung, and he didn’t even bother to shield his mind. Hopeless desire vibrated off it. She nestled into the blanket next to him and buried her face in his shoulder, surprising herself in her candour. Without hesitation he pulled her into his chest and held her, knowing such an action would guarantee the connection breaking. Neither one cared in their loneliness and desperation. 

“I’m going to start meditating” Kylo’s voice was deep and low in her ear, the vibrations in his neck resonating into her shoulder. It took a moment to register his words, distracted as she was by the sensation of his body pressed against hers. Rey turned her head sharply to meet his eyes, but he was gone.


	4. Chapter 4

 

 

 

 

 

### Chapter Text

The air hummed with the quiet drone of the Supremacy’s life support. The lights in Kylo’s inner sanctum fluctuated gently, as though struggling to maintain a steady supply. These glitches were now common place, the crew struggled to repair the enormous structure, repeatedly redirecting power channels.  Ren sat in front of the altar he had made for Darth Vader, deep in thought. The black pools of the melted mask stared back into him, silent and familiar.

If he had been struggling with the pull to the light before he killed his father, then the action itself confirmed that he was incapable of surrendering fully into the dark. And now this girl had him almost hypnotized, undoing years of training in mere days.

_Meditation???_

That is the absolute last thing a student of the dark would consider. Stilling the mind and cooling emotion was diametrically opposed to his training, but just like that he had made her a profoundly treacherous promise. He felt like he was being undone at the seams, the galaxy was in his hands but he did not have the want to keep it grasped. What order could he pretend to bring when he himself was not much more than a burning trash heap?

_As long as Hux doesn’t catch on, this doesn’t need to undermine me_ , he reasoned. _Because, lets face it, that girl is the only thing keeping me going at this point. Or am I just getting weaker by the minute?_

In times past, Snoke had been a life raft from his doubts, a towering pillar of unshakable conviction and wisdom. His absence made Ren realize what a crutch this had been. For years he had bowed down to his sadistic teaching methods, having believed him when he said that was THE path to power beyond his imagining. He even modeled his own training of the Knights of Ren upon it. Always he clung on to the trust that Snoke was a benevolent mentor, a harsh teacher only so that Kylo may fulfill his potential. Each punishment and humiliation was designed to build and strengthen him, and the pain would one day congeal into indomitable power.

How strange that a few words from his father on that fateful bridge, and the catalyst of Rey would illuminate the scene in an entirely different way. Snoke was no benevolent teacher, his cruelty held no higher motive other than to use him in the most callous ways possible, then discard him.Kylo had been tricked into murdering his father, but he would not make the same mistake with Rey. He dispatched his master, his abuser, without regret. Now, however, without the crutch of Snokes guidance, Kylo only landed on a lame foot. It buckled under him and gave way, driving him headlong into self-loathing.

_Snoke was keeping me weak, far weaker than I ever thought possible._ _Help me grandfather. Show me the way forward._

There was no reply. No visions. No words. Nothing at all since Snoke’s death. Just the hum of the air and the flickering lights.

The pieces of another one of his former master’s manipulations clicked into place. The final blow. Searing pain rose in pitch until it drowned out all possible thought. Ren sat, too paralyzed to even go into a rage, staring blankly at a pile of ashes.

Somewhere in the distance a great crunch of metal reverberated through the levels of the engine block, sending all crew in the vicinity into a desperate scramble. Later, no one could explain how four generator pylons, each dozens of meters thick, snapped without provocation.

 

 

***

 

 

Half a galaxy away Rey mused in her own sleeplessness.

Kylo Ren was a perfect study of the evils of the dark side of the force. The ways in which it twisted up his life revealed themselves each passing day. It was easy to reject and hate a brainless villain, it was only the horror of their deeds that was difficult to bear. But the dog of war was as tortured and anguished as the carnage he meted out externally, and still his humanity refused to be snuffed out, screaming on the inside. He was reaching out, in his own broken way. Even after she nearly sliced him in half on Star Killer base, and rejected his desperate pleas on the Supremacy. Anyone else would hate her with a passion, especially a dark sider. But to him it was a language he understood. Violence brought intimacy, because intimacy had always brought violence.

She found it increasingly hard to hate Kylo, even if he made her temper flare. He was inextricably intertwined with Ben Solo. Sometimes the distinction between them was more obvious, but she began to notice how much of his personality was neither of those identities, just warring fragments, debris of a collision long past.

Rey stretched and cracked her neck, realizing her shoulders had seized up as though expecting to be attacked. Her bunk was private and secure, and all was quiet on the Falcon, but no where was truly safe in this galaxy. These force connections were really a type of attack too, on her psyche, on her character and on her heart. _Then why am I beginning to feel safe with him? Am I going insane???_ After the abduction, interrogation, simply terrifying encounters in the woods, he had killed his own master to protect her. _Why?_ Was it just the promise he could have a loyal consort to prop him up in his evil misdeeds? He had said as much in the elevator, and he chose an empty throne room over her. If so, why was he still bothering with her now, when it was obvious she would not join him? _Is he still holding out hope I will turn? Aren’t I doing the same thing from my end?_ One thing was for certain, there was no expectations in him when he pulled her into him earlier. He had left his motivation left bare, he was only seeking comfort, and trying to give it in return.

Rey let out a long deep breath she didn’t realize she was holding. That embrace was like a salve on her ragged soul, even if she had to admit she felt so ragged mainly because of him and what he stood for. It was the revelation that he would meditate that had shocked her the most.

The sacred Jedi texts had not laid dormant since Rey had gotten her calloused hands on them. They occupied many hours of her waking time, between repairs on the Falcon and those blasted force interruptions. The script was ancient but Rey had discovered tucked into one tome a much newer page of cyphers, an alphabet that was still quite easy to find. Some other seeker had done what she was doing, many generations past. Slowly, translating with a new table, she was able to make tepid sense of it. The verse was unnecessarily florid, but the basic meanings remained.

Meditation was the central pillar of the Jedi way. A foundation practice that preceded any other training, the root and nourishment of the light side of the force. Most surprisingly it was a technique that she had unwittingly stumbled on years prior, to ease her boredom and loneliness on Jakku. She had practiced it as many times as there were scratches on her wall. Now she used it most when she needed to regain her balance after seeing Ben, reaching deep within that well of stillness and peace. It was from that transcended place she could see how the light side and the dark were being distorted by their rejection of one another. The schism in her, was the same in Ben, the same everywhere, as though the two of them were part of an endless fractal that reverberated endlessly.

Ben said he would meditate. Surely he knew what that meant having studied under Luke? Was it some sort of a trick? Rey thought of his earlier sexual advances and her ears burned with pleasure. Stillness and calm prolonged the force link. The prospect excited one part of her, the other was alarmed. She had only been calm around him earlier precisely because he was asleep, inert. Momentarily harmless. Perhaps it could be a form of training for her to practice meditation around him, his motives would reveal themselves in time. She couldn’t help but ask him about it the moment they reconnected  – all composure immediately lost. He was amused by the query to put it mildly, having gleaned the unspoken parts instantly.

“I’m not a monk. I wouldn’t be able to stay calm in sexual congress, so you will be relieved to find out that kind of activity is precluded by the nature of the link.”

Her face burned like a sun, and she squirmed under his unblinking gaze. There was that same carnal hunger in his eyes, and no part of him was trying to hide it, until it dawned on him he was bringing the link to a premature close. He broke the gaze and turned his attention elsewhere.

“How Is the light saber going?” It was the most neutral topic he could think of, an absurdly loaded one, he noted.

Rey’s voice choked in her throat. He was maddeningly attractive. Dark hair framing his aristocratic features, pale narrow face starkly contrasting with the pitch-black garb on his broad frame. He was studying her and she could feel him calming himself internally. He was doing far better than her, heart beating wildly. What was she do afraid of now? He was hardly threatening, seated and slumped forward, casually, hands interlinked loosely between his knees. He waited for her to speak, confidence starting to thin, insecurity peeking from behind the curtain.

“I’m sorry” Rey blurted while clearing her throat, feeling profoundly self-conscious despite their earlier intimacies. She couldn’t find the words so she decided to let him into her mind, as not to deter him when he was so clearly trying. She was overzealous in her action, and the floodgates of her mind swung open violently. The nerves she felt about how her gesture would be received flowed through unchecked. _Kriff! Too much!_

_Not too much_ his voice reassured her, and she felt him gingerly skirt around the edges before blending with her with a delicacy she was completely shocked to discover. She sensed his dismay and shame at her response, awakening a pool of self-hatred in him, a vast sea.

It was awe-inspiring. The landscape of his psyche was a literal landscape they were standing in. His conscience was alive and well, bleeding into a waterfall. They were standing on that crimson shore together, side by side. Rey quietly took his gloved hand in hers.

_I offered you the entire galaxy, and you would choose this…_ He was barely hanging on, terrified of her rejection of him, now seeing as she was truly what lay inside. Tears rolled down Rey’s face. She squeezed his hand tighter.

_A million times over._ She didn’t look at his face, just stood there, turned to the red horizon as he fought with his terror and desire to pull away, and the heart rending desperation for her to stay.

_I’m not going Ben. This is not what I rejected. This is why I went to you._ She whispered and a wind blew across the waves, rippling the surface. She glanced over at him to see his adolescent self, barely taller then her, thin like a reed, eyes bloodshot and swollen from crying. His hair swayed slightly in the ineffable silence.

_Ben…_ He turned to face her sharply, as though remembering she was there, and in that moment she was suddenly in darkness, lying on the cold sands of Jakku, knees pressed tight to her chest. The inky blackness suffocated her, breaths ragged as to be almost choking. The pain of abandonment dragged its sharp claw through her chest, never easing, liberating a rain of uncontrollable sobs. She felt a large warm hand placed reassuringly on her back and she turned to find Ben there, gazing gently into her eyes. He seemed much larger, but in fact she was smaller, looking down to see a child’s hands.

_Hush, you’re not alone. I will stay here with you._ His deep, rich voice promised, and the dark began to recede, revealing his silhouette against the starry Jakku sky.

They were standing facing each other fully grown again. Soft starlight reflected off his skin and put little glints in his eyes as they devoured her whole. An eternity seemed to pass, galaxies were born and died. Rey leaned in, mouth open for a kiss _,_ more light now than woman. The whole universe seemed to pulled along with her. Ben reciprocated without hesitation, blackness being drawn in by an irresistible gravity, but at the moment of meeting they found themselves back in their respective locations, alone.

 

 

***

 

 

Kylo was still sitting in the meeting room, but it was no longer empty. A female lieutenant stood at attention in front of him, excruciatingly nervous. Kylo met her eyes in a gesture permitting her to speak.

“Supreme Leader, there has been a catastrophic incident in the engine core. It is unstable and collapse is imminent. General Hux has ordered immediate evacuation.” She was waiting for Ren’s infamous display of rage at the insolence Hux had shown. Sending such a low ranking officer to deliver a command out of his jurisdiction could only have been a deliberate slight. To her surprise, Ren absent-mindedly waved her away.

“Inform General Hux his message has been received.” He murmured as he took off in the direction of his personal shuttle. _They won’t miss me for 24 hours,_ he thought, _let the lackey handle this mess. I will discipline him for it when I return._ It was an unwise course of action under the circumstances and highly twisted logic, he knew, but his arrogance had prevailed, as had the desperation in his new quest.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed that, leave a comment and let me know!
> 
> Critique is welcome too, I'm not a good writer but I'm trying to improve. Was swapping between Kylo, Ren and Ben distracting? I really don't know what to call him. Is anything else jarring, prose or story wise? Let me know!
> 
> Next chapter coming in a couple of days :).


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Change is difficult guys. Please try not to judge our romantic lead ;)

 

Rey was back in her bunk, like nothing ever happened. Except everything had. The thin grey curtain that separated her from the activity beyond it felt like an analogue for the thin membrane of sanity she tried to pull over her stunned psyche.

She hopped down onto the well-worn Falcon floor and set off to find something to do. She would go crazy if she couldn’t occupy her mind and hands with something manageable, fixable, and understandable. When Leia ordered for them to pack up the Falcon she jumped at the chance to be useful. Try as she might to focus on stacking the storage cases correctly, the visions in Ben’s head kept drawing her out, unmooring her again. The red sea, the crying boy, the almost kiss. Rey rubbed her eyes and felt her hands tremble.

It was the third vision in barely as many weeks, and each previous one had preceded devastating consequences. On Takodana she fled into the forest only to meet her fate. On Acht-to she ran to her fate instead, only for it to spiral catastrophically out of control. A breakneck series of events. Each disaster leading her to more, each victory sucking her deeper into a vortex of intrigue. How much more could she take?

The Jedi texts spoke of surrendering into the will of the force, allowing it to shape one’s destiny. To Rey it seemed like being asked to jump into a whirlpool full of predators with sharp teeth, in short, terrible advice. She’d be damned if she would act one way or another on this vision. She would maintain control, the will of the force be damned.

 _Maybe it wasn’t a vision, but a conversation._ _That’s it, we were just talking. Nothing more._ _Nothing that touched me to the very core or anything. Just a casual chat._

As distracted as she was, she wasn’t beyond noticing how pairs of eyes watched her cautiously in her movements, attitudes still distant and cool. They had almost worshipped her as a messiah when she parted the rocks for them on Crait. Now they looked upon her as a dubious wildcard. _So much judgment in so little time._

Rey begrudgingly began to understand Kylo’s misgivings that the resistance was full of hypocrisy. Not agree, but understand. They were good people, fighting to protect the weak and the disenfranchised. Yet still there was that seed of needlessly rejecting and casting out that which seemed dark, just like her vision of the fractal of the force. A casting out that guaranteed polarization and conflict. A part of her understood, yearned to explain herself, but she couldn’t pretend that it didn’t sting.

Finn had avoided her since witnessing that bewildering embrace, always making sure to be with someone when she was in the vicinity, fleeing quickly if she approached him alone. Rey could sense that it wasn’t just outright hatred and spite. Her dearest friend was struggling with processing what to him was betrayal, and trying not to unleash his pain on her. Kylo after all was a symbol of his stolen family, his stolen life. He was also the beast who almost killed him in cold blood while he fought to defend her. Perhaps it was just too much for either of them to wrestle with. She prayed a tacit understanding would appear in time.

Only General Leia never wavered in her support toward her. She had opted to include her in the strategy meetings, to uncomfortable silence. It warmed Rey’s heart to know that at least one person on the ship had faith in her, and reminded her that perhaps Rey was not somehow at fault for everything. It was a reminder that she sorely needed. These people were the closest thing she had to a family, and the Falcon her only home.

In that she wasn’t alone. The ship had the entire Resistance fussing over it, and it now looked in better shape than it had in years. Rose and Finn had even taken it upon themselves to scrub the grime off of every surface. Every spare part was found and catalogued, and a secret compartment had revealed a huge crate of dried rations. It was enough food to last them for close to a week. The hiatus had been crucial for the General to establish a new course of action and for everyone to regroup from catastrophic loss. However, the rations were running out now, and despite Chewbacca’s suggestion, everyone had grown too attached to resort to roasted porg. Time had come to move.

Rey watched quietly as the cases of equipment were loaded into Falcon. The air was filled with trepidation at what the next chapter entailed. Rey leaned against the door as she silently said goodbye to the strange landscape and perpetually twilight skies of this remote uncharted rock. The wistful reverie was cut short by a bracing chill running down her spine.

 _Bring your belongings, and meet me half a klick west of the Falcon! NOW!!!_ Kylo's voice tore through her mind. Rey jumped and looked around to see if any one else had heard, but they couldn’t have, they were going about their business uninterrupted.

 _What's going on!!!???_ she mentally hissed, livid.

 _I’m not going to repeat myself. If you want your friends to live, come her NOW!_ His voice cut off and she felt a blockade in the force, preventing any negotiation. Rey’s mind whirred, electrified. _What the hell was I thinking! If he’s found us, what else does he know???_

Rey ran to find General Organa, pulling her aside into an alcove by the arm.

“Do NOT go to Hoth. He knows! He’s here! You must leave now!”

The General gaped at her, then nodded in recognition. Rey was already gone, weaving through people with purpose but hiding her true urgency. _I can’t risk saying goodbye to anyone, they might try to stop me._ Anyway, there was no time. Her heart ached as she walked past Finn. He didn’t make eye contact, a small blessing in this circumstance.

Grabbing her staff, she began to shove her meager belongings into a duffel bag. The Jedi texts were too precious to take, but she stuffed the uncompleted light saber parts deep into layers of clothing, wondering if perhaps it was better to not bring them directly to Kylo’s hands.

“I forgot a capacitor outside.” She lied to a crewmember as she exited the craft. She headed west to a looming black outcropping, which stood in the way of Kylo’s designated meeting point. When she was no longer visible, she broke into a sprint. In the past few days she had plenty of time to explore the knife like projections of the moon. They reminded her of the carcasses of scrap metal on Jakku and she navigated them deftly, trying to avoid contact as their coal like surfaces left powdery, sooty marks.

It made sense she thought, this is the only direction his craft could approach without being directly visible. Despite the short distance there was also enough rocky obstacles between the spot and the Falcon to muffle the landing. Yet the scanners should have picked it up, she cursed the Falcon’s outdated equipment. She cursed the timing even more. One more hour and they would have been long gone.

She rounded the final monolith to come to a small flat clearing, breaking her run. There he was, standing at the mouth of his open craft. The thing was as black as he was, great razor like wings folded up above the elegantly narrow body. Rey’s rage boiled over.

“Happy???” She screamed across the clearing.

Above, the Falcon flew past like a whip, blue tail exhaust bidding her goodbye. Her friends gone, hopefully safe. Leia must have ordered immediate departure despite Rey’s disappearance. She looked back at Kylo to see him speak a quiet command into a comm. His eyes were on her like a target but even from here she could see his expressionless face flicker with intensity.

 _Do you study the Jedi texts the way you study me?_ He spoke with his mind. She snapped hers shut, hard.

“I don’t know, you tell me, you have had a nice little snoop, haven’t you!” She screamed with her voice. There would be no more connections through the force on her watch, she would keep him out the way you keep out a mortal enemy. For all she knew he had shown her a bunch of illusions in there. She was obviously uninformed about how it all worked. It had seemed like such an intimate and sacred interchange.  _MEDITATION! I CAN'T BELIEVE I FELL FOR THAT!_  His deception stung bitterly and she forced herself not to cry.

Kylo stood silently for a moment, no longer meeting her gaze, then gestured with his arm for her to come inside his shuttle. _Such a civilized act for a kidnapping,_ Rey thought bitterly.

She walked, there was no choice really, she preferred not to be manhandled. Refusing to look at him she gave his position a wide berth, stopping just far enough inside to allow the craft’s door to close. She waited for instruction, feeling completely defeated.

Scanning the interior her heart froze. There were two black figures standing in the corners, one masked and the other hooded so as to be completely invisible. There was a light saber clipped to the belt of one. The other casually leaned on a staff outfitted with retractable blades. She felt their minds attempt to prove hers. Force users. Rey drew a sharp breath. She felt like she did on Jakku when drunk marauding men from nearby villages would go hunting for sport. Hiding was the best option, running was the next, fighting was least preferred. There were no other options in her eyes. None of them were possible here. Her light saber was incomplete, and her staff was woefully inadequate. She stood and waited straining to remain composed.

“Follow me” Kylo said quietly and walked toward an adjoining room. Rey reluctantly followed behind, reminded of how attractive she found him, her eyes barely level with his broad shoulders. How she had miscalculated him, and how she had feelings for him still. It infuriated her. He turned and took her staff in his gloved hand. Rey gripped it tight in hers indignantly, before realizing how pointless resisting was. Begrudgingly she released her grip, ready to spit acid.

“I will give you some time alone” He spoke even quieter now, closing the door on her.

She was in a small windowless room. It contained a bunk, a vacuum toilet and small water tap with a metal cup, protruding from an opened panel. _Only for the most welcome of prisoners._ She sat down, scanned the walls for surveillance, found three small lenses and sighed. She lay down on the bed with her back to them, knees into her chest, and pulled her cloak over her head, clutching it tight. After a short amount of time she remembered the light sabers. He allowed her to keep the bag! _Fool._ She dragged toward her and with her back to the cameras to keep everything concealed she continued to work on it, her little blue lifeline. Tears flowed without her knowing. This was just like another day on Jakku, fighting to survive, completely alone.

She wasn’t alone for long. The door opened without warning and Rey instinctively shoved her bag away as to not appear to be tampering with it. Kylo walked in, the tiny space getting even smaller. He waved a hand and a set slid out from the wall, opposite the cot. He than closed the door and sat down.

“Make yourself at home.” Rey quipped dryly.

“You are shielding your mind.”

“What did you expect?” Rey was glad that the venom seemed to succeed in masking her hurt.

“Mine is open… If you want to look.” The revelation was awkward, out of place. His hands fidgeted in his lap.

“And why would I want to do that?” She snapped but internally her hostility wavered.

“You must think I’m an incredible liar.” The dark, dulcet tones of his voice made their way even further under her skin.

She refused to look at him. He was getting closer to finding her weak point at a speed that unnerved her. Rey shuffled to the furthest corner of the bed in defiance. She could see him in the corner of her vision, almost blending into the dark wall behind him, only his pale face looming out, the same way it did on Jakku. The thought twisted inside her. Was it really the same man? Was it all a dream?

She glanced carefully at him, only moving her eyes lest he wasn’t looking directly at her and she could go unnoticed. He seemed to be far away, eyes reflecting more light than they should have been, rimmed with purple. He did not look remotely happy, for someone who had just succeeded in getting their prize.

After a long pause he finally spoke, voice wavering.

“I really don’t know what I’m doing.” He stood and exited the cell before Rey had time to respond.

***

The next few hours passed uneventfully. There were no interruptions. Or offers of food. Rey wasn’t really hungry, but that fact didn’t escape her. It made her tense with anxiety as she always got when not having control over the food supply. She reluctantly went to the toilet, covering her privacy with her cloak. Strangely she could no longer muster the concentration to work on the saber. Kylo’s final remark had shattered her perceptions about his motivations. She felt like she was adrift on a life raft, and her kidnapper had no more control over it than she. Was he really that unstable? The though strangely calmed her, perhaps he wasn’t as manipulative as she feared. Did he even have a plan going forward? Was it just a string of impulses that drove him? To what end?

One this was for certain, she now had no way of finding her friends. She had left Leia’s binary beacon behind fearing that it would spell their doom if discovered. They knew who had her, but honestly they probably thought she had gone willingly. And Leia left her behind probably in the hopes that her son wasn’t the monster everyone thought him to be, and to get away from a fatal weakness no doubt. The seasoned leader knew how to weigh the cost of lives. She guessed that General Organa would have to foresight to avoid any systems they had verbally considered in her presence. Hopefully that would still leave them with options.

It was the politics of the First Order that scared her more. Who was she to them but a prime fugitive? She had escaped the Supremacy in Snoke’s personal escape shuttle, leaving a trail of carnage and their leader dead in her wake. They will want to torture and execute her.

Rey couldn’t sleep for nerves, and the fear she would drop her mental blockade. But she wasn’t hiding any more sensitive information about the Resistance, only her apprehension and hurt feelings. There were no more attempts from Kylo to broach her mind, and she refused to read his. The other two checked on her periodically, more out of lecherous curiosity than anything else, giving her an eerie sense of foreboding.

A whisper penetrated it.

“Finish the sabers Rey”

It was Master Luke’s voice. It passed so fleetingly that it made Rey wonder if she had even heard it at all. She sat up stone cold and awake, utterly bewildered. The message had the desired effect and she set to her task with renewed vigor. _What have I been thinking, I will need to fight my way out. There is no way in hell I will rely on that unstable maniac._

Some time later the door opened but it wasn’t Kylo. A servitor droid entered with a tray containing a bundle of clothing and a protein bar, and lowered it onto the bed.

“From the Supreme Leader.” Rey’s mouth was agape with incredulity. _Is that what he titles himself._ It would have been impressive of it didn’t sound so ridiculous.

“Do you have any requests?” The slate grey droid hovered over her, bent at the waist into a polite bow.

“How about you let me go?” Rey snapped.

“I regret to inform you that is not possible.” _No sarcasm circuit, how droll_. Rey rolled her eyes but they stopped rolling when she picked up the bundle of clothes. Wrapped inside was a collapsible armored staff, with circuitry to connect to two receptacles on each end. Light sabers. Her hands froze, gripping the unspeakably precious object tightly.

“You don’t block me as well as you think” Her captor spoke inside her mind. 

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

The black Upsilon class shuttle was traveling at light speed. Kylo Ren sat in repose in the rear, face stoically blank. It felt strange having her in the next room, like she was the only living thing there. The pilots, the Knights and a service technician may as well have been equipment. Rey hadn’t noticed that there were also four Elite TIE fighters accompanying them. It had taken specific instructions for them to allow the Falcon to escape. His orders were followed but he could feel the suspicion emanating at him even now.

He bristled at the way the Knights had dared to eye Rey up and down, yet he couldn’t show his ire, lest they start questioning his relationship to Snokes supposed assassin even more. Still he had to admit, she looked stunning. The simple clothes couldn’t dim her lithe, youthful beauty. The anger flashing in her eyes only made it more devastating.

She kept him out of her mind with vicious determination. In the past it would have worked, yet their last force connection had changed something fundamental between them. Her feelings oozed into him anyway, all her thoughts, all her excruciatingly acute reactions. Meanwhile she gleaned nothing of HIM but his façade. He hid his infernal desire from her AND from the knights. It was externally undetectable. So was his anguish at her renewed hate. If only she would just look into his mind she would see that this wasn’t an abduction, it was him laying himself at her feet. _Here, take this broken body and soul, you know what to do with it best._ That eternity on Jakku changed something else fundamental. She burned inside him like his completion, and she had not the faintest idea. His gesture was hideous in her eyes.

_None of this is right._

He didn’t even plan this in a way that such a thing should be planned, it was reflexive upon learning her location. It didn’t matter. She refused to look into his mind, to look at him at all. Once sideways glance and he was undone. She was forcing him into declaring himself, something he simply couldn’t risk with so many suspicious eyes watching. Her genuine hostility was the only thing that made this look like an abduction, and he couldn’t bring himself to act more brutally toward her. That, and he quivered like a leaf in her presence, living and dying by her words. The saber staff he had prepared for her was as reflexive as the ‘abduction’. He wanted her, no, needed her armed and strong, bringing her into a den of vipers as he was. _What the hell am I thinking??? Am I the maniac she thinks I am? A step better than a monster._ It stung.

His reverie was interrupted by the telltale vacuum of sound. _A force connection? Now?_ She was staring at him, clearly even more confused now than she was earlier. One light saber was already wired into its awaiting receptacle, the other still unfinished beside her. Her knuckles were white from clenching it and the rivers of soot were still on her face.

 _I see you have made progress._ Kylo resigned himself to polite small talk. His mood was dark as hope for her support flickered out in the distance.

“What do you want from me?”

 _We will be arriving shortly, keep the weapon hidden. And Rey, wipe your face._ He hoped she wouldn’t immediately attempt to cut her way out of captivity. This was dangerously unorthodox. He was skating on thin ice no matter which way he looked. Rey eyed him with painful suspicion.

 _Ben, please don’t let them hurt me._ She spoke with her mind, almost certain he could hear, too vulnerable a request to speak out loud. The connection closed as expected with the peak of her emotion. She burst into hot tears, frustration, fear and desperation mixed into an overwhelming brew. She had to fight for her survival once more. None of Kylo’s behaviors added up to a coherent picture, and she refused to get sucked into the treacherous spaces of his mind. Jakku had taught her a few things, chief of which was that she could only ever rely on herself. She prided herself on assessing others and their capacity for violence. There was something dead in him in the last connection, a flat black look in his eyes.

_None of this is right._

Rey trained her mind on finishing the light saber, sitting back in satisfaction as she inspected the completed object in her hands. It was no longer than the span of her forearm and hand combined, but it tripled in length at a flick of a switch. She couldn’t actually turn on the sabers however, there was no way to conceal such a display from the surveillance cameras. She hoped it would be inconspicuous tucked diagonally into the back of her belt, under her cloak, and that the blades would ignite when the time came.

The craft shuddered as it exited hyperspace, and her preparations became more urgent. She wet some spare clothing and wiped her face and hands, wondering why the maker Kylo would suggest such a thing. The cool refreshment helped steady her nerves regardless. The effect was short lived as the craft jolted with the impact of a touchdown, and her cell door opened without warning.

Rey swallowed hard and peered around the corner to see a masked knight waiting there for her, staff at the ready. He grabbed her by the arm and pulled her sharply through the door, the other knight following behind. Kylo finally appeared, tall and imposing, fully cloaked.

“Take her to cell block five, I want both of you on the door when I arrive. Leave the interrogation to me. “ His voice was cold and hard, and they began on their task without hesitation. An icy chill ran down the back of Rey’s neck.

_Rey follow them. This has to look a certain way._

She turned to look at him, only to see his back receding, already on his own errand. Rey struggled to control her fury, but chose to play along with the game until she could see her opportunity.

The shuttle itself had landed in the cavernous hangar of a star destroyer. Rey recognized it instantly from her scavenging days, the design having altered only very slightly between the Empire and First Order models. They were in the middle of a hive of military activity, storm troopers and officers everywhere. The knights lead her through it and down a long series of corridors, drawing the eyes of all who passed. This was a very public reception she thought, it would make escape even more difficult. Her escorts signaled her status as an important prisoner even if they already didn’t know who she was. Rage cycled with dread and despair. _How could he do this to me?_

The energy in the force shifted ominously as she was lead into a dim room and the door shut behind them. The knights presented her to a tall, pale man with a sour face and ginger hair. His cold eyes glittered as he eyed her up and down with triumph. Rey’s muscles stiffened with involuntary revulsion.

“Ah, finally, our Supreme Leader’s accomplice!” He surveyed the officers around him pointedly as he spoke. They appeared to draw their shoulders up with reluctant respect. “As you can see it didn’t take him long to show his hand, so certain and secure he is in his treachery. He allowed the Resistance ship to escape! He commanded our own men to stand down as Leia Organa and their band of terrorists were in their sights. Now he brings a JEDI, our Supreme Leaders MURDERER aboard our ship, with the pretense that he intends to INTERROGATE her! ” The ginger officer’s face reddened, spitting each word with unparalleled venom. The other officers nodded, some snickered, and disgusted scowls formed almost in unison on their faces. A jolt of panic coursed through Rey. _No. No. NO!_

With intentionally dramatic flare the ringleader turned to her once more, chest inflated and frightening zeal in his eyes.

“Execute the procedure.” He spoke and she was stunned into unconsciousness.

 

***

 

Rey awoke strapped to a wall in a small holding cell. It seemed only a moment had passed, and she reeled with disorientation. Her body ached and burned all over, the after effect of being stunned. She shifted her limbs slightly in her shackles trying to relieve pressure on her joints. Her wrists were bound high above her head in an intentionally painful posture, half hanging on them, and half leaning into her ankles. Her back was against the wall and the telltale weight and pressure of her saber staff was missing.

Rey took a moment to calm her breath. This was not new. She had survived worse, she only needed to focus. Gingerly she reached out with the force, letting her mind expand from that still point deep within her. Tendrils of her consciousness seeped between the spaces in the walls, expanding outward like a blooming flower. Four dark, turbulent whirlpools of energy stood on the other side of the door. Could she force influence them? Doubtful.

Her mind continued to expand until it hit a new target, a chaotic, violent vortex in the force. Kylo. She swallowed her grudge and entered his mind. Unbridled shock and rage immediately flooded through. He was fighting. He sensed her presence but his focus was dispatched with such intensity at the immediate need, he could barely muster a reply. _Outnumbered, betrayed, surrounded._

Rey took a deep breath, and funneled all her energy into him, all the force she could feel and harness. It was an unquestioned act, all hostility fading away. He had to live, he had to survive. She felt his surprise, but also his needy grab at her offering, the link channeling immense charge between them. Her senses were involuntarily pulled along with it, and she was shocked to discover she could feel, see and hear through his faculties. The adrenalin already coursing through her blood shot through the stratosphere when combined with his.

Kylo was surrounded at all sides. The attack initially came from two if his knights. They had used the element of surprise so he near failed in cutting them down. Then a squadron of troopers began on him. Using both the force and his saber, he was stretched to the limit, freezing blaster bolts, hurling troopers into walls, cutting through them. He knew all resources on deck would be dispatched in taking him down, suddenly deep in enemy territory. He began calculating routes to cell block five then the nearest escape vessel, when he realized Rey may not have been taken there after all. The rage was electrifying.

When Rey joined him through the force he was on the verge of defeat, larger artillery locking on to him, elite troops arriving by the dozen. Rey was not prepared for the intensity and speed of carnage now inflicted with their combined power. Soldiers, cannons, equipment were hurled like ammunition. He was holding nothing back. The red of his saber flashed and the smell of burned flesh and molten metal filled the hangar. Kylo hurled a TIE fighter and the carcass mowed down a whole squadron, metal on metal igniting a shower of sparks as it slid. Rey startled to feel his forearm wipe the sweat dripping down into his eyes.

 _Where are you?_ He barked.

 _I don’t know. I’m shackled, they took my saber._ Rey was panting wildly with Kylo’s exertion.

He broke into a run, using her presence as a homing beacon. She could see how he would come across patrol squads and render them unconscious with a wave of his arm. Stealth was of the essence now, taking back passages to make him difficult to track, cutting makeshift doorways with his saber to bypass control rooms. The fabric of his cloak sizzled as it skimmed the molten edges. Alarms blared through out the entire ship.

Finally he was nearing her holding cell, his mind working away at the next part of the escape plan. He was interrupted when he came face to face with the guards at the door, his former students, the Knights of Ren. Kylo slid to a halt and crouched into defense position, light saber pointing at them accusingly, blind rage boiling over. The betrayal was one thing, but now they also stood between him and Rey.

“YOU. You have made the wrong choice. This is the part where you die!” Ren’s voice boomed through the wall and Rey could now hear it with her own ears.

The four black figures loomed at the door, not showing a shred of intimidation.

“You are so predictable, Kylo Ren, at all the times that serve you least. The girl will die, as will you. No longer will we be beholden to a weak master.” Spat one in a rumbling modulated voice. He ignited his own saber, clean and red, and the others raised their weapons.

“I will show you who is weak. I trained you, I know everything you do and more!.”

“You know nothing when you loose control, we've seen that enough times. Do you know what its like taking orders from someone so unworthy? Did you really think you were crushing our hate for you with your _training_? Look at you now. So weak and stupid.” Another voice replied, thin and nasal, but taut like a garrote.

Rey felt a spike of dread, realizing their assessment of Ren’s weaknesses was correct. He was now in tunnel vision, there was no thought of strategy or anticipation of tactics. His instability was plain to see to both ally and opponent. He began to parry attacks, but in his current state defeat was only a matter of time.

The door of the cell suddenly opened and the tallest knight stepped in, red saber blazing.

“Come! Watch her die!” He brought the weapons point and slid it against Rey’s ribs, cooking flesh as it went. A blood-curdling scream peeled out of her. She panted struggling to maintain mental control and not surrender to terror. She knew the combined strength of her with Ren was more than enough to defeat these animals, but in the panic she couldn’t quite grasp how yet.

It was revealed to her when she saw Kylo, distracted by her state, barely duck a fatal blow. Closing her eyes she focused her intent. _Help me_ she whispered and felt Kylo join her in her effort. In a moment punctuated by sickening screams, all four knights dropped to the floor bleeding profusely from their mouths.Time seemed to stop.

“You crushed them” Kylo whispered in awe, staring at her through the doorway.

The sound of troops approaching in the distance combined with blaring alarms brought them back into the present moment. Ren punched the switch controlling Rey’s shackles and moved swiftly to catch her fall, knowing she wouldn’t be able to hold her own weight.

“I need my saber, where is it?” she ground out the words through the pain, her breath rapid and shallow. Kylo searched her face and mind, drinking in the touch.

“I will find it.” He lowered her gently to sit against the wall. A moment later he returned holding it in his hand.

“We have to get to a shuttle with med equipment. Can you walk?” His face was twisted with worry, kneeling down next to her “I can carry you.”

“No. It will disable you, help me stand. I can do this.” Rey dug deep to function despite her pain. Logically speaking her wound didn’t incapacitate her legs, and the saber cauterized the bleeding so it was just a matter of determination. She pulled herself to stand with his help, suddenly aware that there was very little distance between them. She looked up to meet his eyes, drowning in them. _FOCUS!_ She demanded of herself _,_ knowing he heard her _._ Ben handed her the saber and their fingers touched, sending a jolt down her arm.

“They’re coming. Follow me.” He whispered but he seemed mesmerized, his eyes unable to leave her face.

A blaster bolt smashed into the doorway and they sprung into action.

It was a short, violent journey to the nearest docking bay. Rey’s sabers responded instantly, emitting a cold blue light. She barely had time to register her satisfaction at how they now vibrated with the same distorted grind as Kylo’s weapon. They too functioned like one unit, a analogue of Kylo and Rey, fielding every attack in wordless tandem, a smooth dance like the one in Snoke’s throne room. Ren compensated for Rey’s weakened physical state as naturally as she compensated for his brittle emotionality. Suddenly everything felt right again.

They ran up the ramp of a craft of Rens choosing, and he disappeared into the cockpit, immediately firing up the engines. A few deft maneuvers and he had entered in coordinates, punching the hyper drive without delay.

Rey couldn’t suppress her smile at the image of the ginger officer having an aneurysm as he watched them disappear out of sight. She raised her hand and waved in his direction with mock sheepishness. 

"Bye."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always please leave kudos and comments if you enjoyed it :)


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You have too much of your father's heart in you, young Solo" - Snoke
> 
> If you find any similarity between this chapter and a certain scene from Empire Strikes Back... it wasn't an accident!

Rey sat slumped against the wall in the cramped passage of the First Order craft, unable to hold herself together anymore. The effort she had expended was now repaid in equal measure with exhaustion. The wound at her side began to scream anew, the painkilling effect of adrenalin ebbing away. Her body contorted involuntarily trying to find relief.

She wasn’t there long when she saw Kylo’s large black form emerge from the cockpit. His face was aghast but determined.

“There’s no med bay, but there are first aid provisions. I will get you something for the pain.” He disappeared for a short while before re-emerging with a small grey case. He opened it next to her, rifling through it, until he found a pen like device and reached for Rey’s side. She instinctively flinched away. Something washed over Kylo’s face momentarily.

“It’s administered around the site. Let me.”

Rey took a deep breath and moved her arm to give him access. Ren began peeling away her clothing from her ribs, pulling where flesh was singed into fabric, immediately following with a jab of the pen. The relief was instant. He worked his way around quickly, Rey biting her lip hard at each yank. When he finished the whole area was completely numb, her shirt and jacket lay open like a blooming flower exposing the side of her breast. She didn’t know or didn’t care. All she could think of was that this was the kind of wound she had given him not long ago, but his was way worse. Is that why he knew how to treat it so well? Her guilt over having done it worsened exponentially.

There was a pause where neither of them knew what to say, each processing the sheer relief of having escaped. Rey sat up wrapping her arm around her side with the sudden awareness of her partial nakedness. Her heart was beating unreasonably fast once more. HE was there by her side sitting on the floor, arms resting on his knees, eyes unfocused, far far away. Rey realized he was gripped in the impact of another betrayal, the trauma from Luke re-ignited.

“Ben. We’re safe.”

Her voice was gentle as the reached out to touch his arm. It was his turn to flinch. He snapped out of his nightmare to see her. His psyche bled all over the floor, face showing his extreme vulnerability, wide eyed, trembling, unable to speak. Another mask had fallen. Rey slowly reached out her hand again and held his. Ben squeezed it leaning back against the wall and closing his eyes, tears running down his face silently. She could feel his needy relief at her acceptance, too potent to block. There was no more energy left to hide from each other and she leant into him, letting out a big breath. They had somehow survived. Together.

They sat there for a while, silently listening to the hum of the engine, shyly holding hands like children. But the moment had to end, and Rey began to feel awkward. Reality was seeping back in, mind overriding the heart. He did just kidnap her, threatened to kill all her friends and almost got HER killed in the process. What made her think he was suddenly safe? At the same time, when her life was in danger he had put himself on the line without hesitation. She had felt his protective rage when he found the Knights of Ren guarding her. It was as instinctual and genuine as his own will to survive.

She turned to face him, surveying his profile. Dark sweaty strands of hair plastered to his face around his ear, the scar she had given him dividing his cheek in two. He smelled of sweat too, and of smoke, metal and singed fabric. A charge rippled between them and she suddenly remembered that he was very much a male, and physically larger and stronger than her. Her arousal shocked her, snapping her head back into forward position, body rigid. She looked back at him again to see he was now meeting her eyes knowingly, lips tense. In an uncharacteristically energetic motion, Rey leapt up and fled to the cockpit.

 

***

 

Rey took position in the pilot seat, not knowing quite what to do with herself. Was she really that skittish? He abrupt departure was unplanned and now she felt embarrassed. Simultaneously she was glad for some time alone, to get a grip on her spiraling emotions.

She took a moment to study the console to determine their destination. The Oplore system, a name completely unfamiliar to her. She wanted to ask Ben about it, but no way was she going to go back into that passage.

As if on cue, Ben entered the cockpit and sat down in the co-pilot seat. Rey squirmed a little but took a deep breath and relaxed back into hers. There was no sense in running; it would be comical at this point.

“I didn’t intend for any of that to happen.” He said quietly by way of apology. He must have been referring to the coup.

“I know, but what did you intend?” Rey’s anger rose once more. He looked away.

“I don’t know how to make it anymore obvious, if you would just look into my mind…”

“I’m not going to do that, lest it kill me this time!” She may as well have slapped him. He wasn’t taking her responses well in his current state. A storm of emotions flickered across his face. Rey began to feel remorse, the gist of his meaning finally sinking in.

“Where are we going?” She looked to change the topic, not knowing how to deal with its gravity.

“Oplore. It’s on the border of the outer rim and the unexplored territories. Our… the First Order spies have charted it and found an isolated civilization. Half a billion hiding away from the conflict in the rest of the galaxy. They take in refugees of all varieties; we will not stand out there. “

“And what about the ship? They will shoot us on sight.”

“We will have to land on a moon, undetected, and steal something from a small settlement. They will have good med equipment. We need a change of clothes…”

“We???”

“You can do what ever you wish, I’m not going to stop you. You will hate me regardless and I have even less to offer you now.” He stood abruptly, leaving speechless Rey in his wake. He sounded completely serious. She couldn’t let it rest.

“Wait! That’s not how it is!”

He turned to look at her in the cramped little doorway. She halted, the space was tiny and she suddenly felt like prey. Ben loomed over her, her back pressed against the wall, his gaze affixed on her intensely. He lent in, resting his arm next to her head, trapping her. Rey moved her head back until it hit the wall too, eyes wide.

“You’re afraid of what you feel, so you keep running away. You want this, yet you hate me for chasing you. If you want to leave, then leave.” He was mere inches from her face now. She couldn’t argue with anything he had said. Many things mingled in his expression, flickers of hope, fear, and insecurity. He visibly strained to hold his bluff. Due to his height there was an easy escape route under his arm. Rey didn’t move a muscle.

He kissed her. It was a rough, hungry kiss, kept in too long and unmannered in its execution. Her whole body responded with arousal, completely overtaken. One hand gripped a pipe beside her to hold her up, the other pushed at his chest. She didn’t know how far she would allow herself to go and it terrified her. Her heart responded in its own way, though her tears, though she would not be able to name the emotion. Sensing how overwhelmed and inexperienced Rey was Ben reluctantly withdrew.

“You don’t trust me to look for yourself so I will tell you. The First Order, the power, it meant nothing when you left me. I let it slip through my grasp because the only thing I now care about is you. I am nothing without you. I don’t want to be anything without you. I will change everything so you can love me.”

Rey reeled at the stark extremity of his words, and his savage delivery.

“and what if I already do?” was all she could say, meekly.

He looked at her with awe, as though he was ransacking the cabinets of her mind to check if it wasn’t a trick. He didn’t seem to know what to do with her revelation. It was somehow, after everything, still a complete surprise, and it broke her heart.

“Then stay with me,” he pleaded with a whisper. Rey’s eyes pleaded in return. She didn’t feel ready for what was happening, he wanted a promise she couldn’t give yet. The events of the day whirled in her mind, and fatigue began to gain ground. Sensing this Ben leaned back to give her more space. His demeanor switched.

“Here, sit. I will get you something to drink. We need to rest before we arrive.”

Ben left the cabin for a short while, returning with a rations case and a flask. Rey sat down with relief and he flopped down on the seat next to her, taking a long drag of water and passing it to her, legs up on the console. Rey accepted it and greedily emptied the rest of it wiping her mouth.

“Is that food?” she asked.

Ben opened the case to reveal what seemed to him pitiful offerings. Her eyes widened with glee and she grabbed a protein bar.

“You have no idea what I had to do to get one of these on Jakku.” He looked over at her with a small, sad smile on his face.

“Is that what made you so good at fixing broken things.” Rey took a moment to absorb what he meant.

“Is that all I get from you then, Ben Solo?” She teased. Ben’s eyes flashed at the use of that name but he let it pass.

“You don’t seem ready for what I have to give to you.” Rey colored at his implication. She chewed in it, and that bar, silently for a while. Ben sat as rigid as a statue.

“I’m still hungry. Can I have another one?”

“I bet you are. You don’t need to ask, just take what ever you want.”

“Aren’t you going to eat anything?”

He looked her directly in the eyes, and she sensed the gist of what he was thinking, her face burning more than she thought possible.

“You have quite the sense of humor.”

“Yes, I forgot that I do.” He said sadly, eyes far away again.

 

***

 

Kylo tried to rest in the seat beside Rey, but her presence coupled with what had just transpired with Hux and the Knights of Ren had him wired. He couldn’t reconcile all the defeat and triumph he had experienced in one single day. He had gone from being the Supreme Leader to being the supreme fugitive in a few hours. Yet here he was, with Rey.

In hindsight all his ‘mistakes’ were obvious. He had left such a huge trail of clues in his delirium it was no surprise what happened. The Knight’s treachery was inevitable. Ren had unwittingly abused them the way Snoke did to him, in hindsight it was all clear. Ironic that he had actually cared about their well-being and progress, projecting his own sentimental feelings onto Snoke. How many more times would that dead man haunt him? The awful sting of the betrayal only compounded with every previous one.

As for Hux, he was smart enough to understand that a successful coup takes support from the lower ranks. Evidence. Ren was smart enough too, but he was suffering from the illness that was now sitting beside him, having set him free.

She was snoring softly, head turned away. A little force sleep and she was out cold, hopefully none the wiser. It just wouldn’t do for them both to sit there tense and awkward, hours on end, after such an ordeal. It was the least he could do. As for himself, he needed time to think. Time to plan. He couldn’t afford any more impulsive moves. The image of her shackled to the wall, saber cutting into her burned into his retinas. It was his fault, his responsibility. Suddenly life didn’t feel so cheap, a sentiment that been lying dormant for a very, very long time.

He could sense the jumbled threads of her dreams as she slept, chaotic and violent. A motif kept recurring – himself, masked, huge and menacing, igniting the red saber as a warning. She was still afraid of him, and who could blame her. He had taken so many liberties, par the course at the time, but now they felt jarringly inappropriate. Shame rolled over him, as did revulsion at his own deeds.

Somehow it was still easier to ruminate on this than what had happened in the cabin earlier. That conversation. That kiss. A warm feeling spread from his center to his limbs, lifting a numbness that he had forgotten was even there. He was…. happy? It was like meeting a long lost friend, shocked at the features of their face, faded as they had been in memory. It felt dangerous. He didn’t trust it. The warmth refused to let go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a kudos or a comment if you liked it! Also constructive criticism is ALWAYS welcome. I'm trying to improve my writing :)


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the first time ever Ben and Rey find themselves thoroughly together, alone. Just what will these crazy kids get up to?

 

Rey awoke in time to see their exit from hyperspace. She thought the timing slightly odd but didn’t question it further, awed as she was by the stunning scene before her. The Oplore system revolved around a brilliantly violet central sun, and the moon they now approached loomed below, a swirl of greens, blues and tan, indicating a variety of terrestrial habitats as well as a rich atmosphere. The violet tinged clouds cast orange shadows, a shocking contrast, the entire palate skewed in a wildly unfamiliar way.

She looked over at Ben and startled to see that they had somehow swapped seats and he was piloting the craft.

“The force.” He explained simply, noticing her query, then continued to work on the switches of the console. He was tranquil, in a way she had only seen him when he was asleep. The black shock of his hair appeared to have been combed and his face was washed. It soothed an ache deep in her soul.

“There’s an abundance of life forms down there, most of them are primitive. The scan picked up some small settlements, perhaps we can steal a craft if we land away from one and walk to avoid detection.”

His words woke her from her dream.

“I don’t steal.” There was no point in lying. She couldn’t bring herself to, especially from people who likely toiled to carve out a meager existence. And how could she even consider stealing something as large as a ship, who knows how that would endanger their livelihood? Perhaps even their lives?

Ren looked at her incredulously, about to say something, then bit his tongue.

“What would you suggest?” His question implied she was being ridiculous.

“There are some pretty nice components in this thing. I would pretend we crashed and bring some high grade tech to trade.” She gave him a tight-lipped parody of a smile, implying he was the dumb one.

“That is a lot of effort for what is likely a pile of junk.”

“A lot of effort to you.” _He really was raised in rarefied air_ , Rey thought. _And not only that, he’s so self-centered._ Ren looked away as though he’d been slapped.

“Please tell me you didn’t just hear that? Are you in my head again?”

“I can hear, and feel, everything.” His voice was low, despondent. “Something changed that night on Jakku.”

Rey felt like someone had just grabbed and shaken her. Now there was truly nowhere to hide, though to hear him mention their timeless embrace on Jakku put a spark of hope in her heart, like he just spoken a secret password reminding her of their connection.

“Then why doesn’t it work both ways?”

“You’re keeping me out.” His tranquility was gone and darkness descended on his face.

“We will try things your way. If it doesn’t work, I’m taking a ship.”

Rey didn’t argue. They were in a state of the art vessel, the only way they couldn’t trade was if the inhabitants were too stupid to know what they were looking at. Her seasoned scavenger side found that hard to imagine.

“Sand or forest?” Ren asked as they neared the surface.

“Forest!” Rey replied without hesitation.

“I would have gone for sand.”

 

***

 

Having landed they realized they would have to address the small matter of Rey’s clothing, and the huge gaping hole in it. Her cloak was long gone, and Ren’s cloak was so big on her frame it would have made her look like a child wrapped in a blanket.

In the end they had settled on his sleeveless undershirt which she belted to create a type of tunic. The intimacy of the gesture wasn’t lost on either of them, as he silently undressed and she put it on, still warm from his body. It was some sort of message to each other, about trust, and other words they couldn’t say out loud. Rey squirmed, not knowing where to look, while Ren marinated in her awkward pleasure, mouth tight. He would have kept undressing, if it was something she would tolerate. As it was he could only watch her put extra layers on.

They walked outside together, squinting into the stark daylight. The air was dry, but heavily fragranced from the surrounding trees. The indigenous flora was a wonder of garishly unfamiliar foliage, it made Rey’s head reel with abandon.

“Black suits you.” Ben spoke after a while, attention clearly affixed on her the way hers was on the new world. Rey looked at him and crinkled her nose.

“I guessed that it’s your favorite color.”

“Favorite color?” He sounded dumb even to his own ears. Rey walked on ahead into the trees.

It wasn’t a topic he had thought of in years. Color WAS something he used to muse on once in a while. In his ornate poetry, in his equally ornate script. That boy was a dreamer, everything had been magnified for him, feeling with an excruciating depth. He had hidden his observations from the world the way he hid bundles of paper under his bed.

The final time he mused on color was when he donned the black, closing the door on that boy. Now she wore it on her like unwitting armor, reminding him that she means ‘NO’. The irony.

He understood. She wasn’t ready to let her defenses down, he’d felt her resistance intimately. He wasn’t trustworthy. _Or worthy_ , a small voice reminded him. He was a killer, and she a virgin. _And a killer too_. The girl couldn’t accept the darkness in herself any more than she could in him. The Knights of Ren had collapsed like soft fruit in her grip. She dispatched four of the galaxy’s most lethal thugs like insects under her pretty, dainty foot, and she actually enjoyed it! Not that she would ever admit to it. She never ceased to amaze him.

He felt the desire in her too. It drove him insane. But if Snoke had taught him anything, it was how to shove unwanted parts of himself down into the nether world of his mind. It worked, temporarily. He longed to claim her, but if he had learned anything from HER, it’s that she would fly off like a bird if he miss-stepped. He wished for a cold shower, and felt grateful for his cloak, embarrassed by his own eagerness. He had to get this right.

“What’s YOUR favorite color?” Ren asked after what he felt was an awkwardly long pause. _Color? Did you just ask her color like a four year old??? Kylo kriffing Ren??? Good move!_

Rey looked over at him oddly. _Now she probably thinks I’m concussed._

“I…like lots of colors. Like red.” She was kind in her reply, until she began to stifle a snicker. She was referring to his face, he was sure of it. _Or maybe red like my saber as I slash that tree into oblivion._ He felt so unbalanced he could hardly get a grasp on her mind anymore.

 

“Red like your face,

red through that tree.

Maybe you could

write a poem for me?”

 

Her silver laugh rang through his ribcage and she fled back to the maw of the shuttle.

“I’ll be getting the parts ready!” She called from inside, then popped her head out. “Don’t disappoint me!” Her impish grin disappeared back into the craft.

The last thing Ren expected was for the tables to turn on him, for the link to flip like that. When had it happened? It unnerved him that he couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment. If he was red before, his face now felt like a forest fire spreading down his neck. The relief that she couldn’t see it collapsed with the realization she was probably feeling it. He felt his face twitch.

So this is what it felt like to be an open book to her, without being able to fight it back. One part violation, one part embarrassment, one part an odd twisted pleasure. Hadn’t he longed earlier for exactly this? So that he didn’t have to articulate his fragile feelings out loud? Now there was no filter.

Dread spread into him like a cold, dark hand. Being alone in his mind was safety, one he had just so recently regained with Snoke’s death. He didn’t want to start thinking about that again, what that monster had done to him…

She wanted a poem. It was a small request he tried to convince himself, and he needed a distraction. There had been poems in the hundreds, and long passages of prose, in a very different place, in a very different time. He could let go and follow any thread, knowing none of it would ever be seen. How wrong he had been.

The written word was abandoned with his turn to Snoke, to the dark side. He began to write with his saber only.

Picking up a nearby branch, he snapped it to create a point. It danced on the forest floor, but he couldn’t shake the feeling he was actually fighting. The phrases cut themselves short. Clipped. Hostile. Words refused to flow. It was a painful labor, scratching out his efforts repeatedly, wiping the earth with his foot.

 

What am I in the dark

In the deepest forest

She burns the hole

For her freedom

I will begin again

 

He almost erased it again so she wouldn’t see it. Wasn’t that futile?

The sky was growing dim, the horizon glowing with a cold violet hue. He had anticipated it, choosing to land in an area close to the advancing sunset. The surrounding trees began blending their arms together, watching.

When was she going to come out? Should he go in and check on her? His nerves made the wait disconcerting. Somehow he wasn’t able to read her at all anymore, as if the extreme form of this telepathic link could only ever go one way at a time. Just as well, he didn’t think he could handle an unfiltered barrage of her reactions to his own.

 _Well,_ he thought very loudly, _now you know my evil plan. We’re staying here for the night._

Igniting his saber, he rammed it into the pile of branches he had collected. They smoldered momentarily with an intense herbal fragrance, before leaping into flame.

He looked up to see Rey standing at the mouth of the craft, watching him silently, all previous humor gone. She was the most dazzlingly beautiful creature he had ever laid his eyes upon, utterly in love. _Let her know, I couldn’t put any of this into words anyway, not even at my best._ The nerves were gone, replaced by profound calm, fathomless peace. The way she looked at him… his own feelings seemed to reverberate through her and back at him in an endless echo.

The stars were emerging overhead, as though to bless their union. She walked past his poem, pausing to glance at it, then sat on a rock near the fire. In her lap she held the rations case, opening it deliberately to reveal its silver wrapped bounty. A mischievous smile spread across her lips.

She didn’t have to say a word.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Panic not, this is not a fade to black situation. The next chapter justifies the explicit rating!
> 
> Please leave a kudos or a comment if you enjoyed it! You don't know how much I love reading your responses <3


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The smut that was promised.

The forest harbored a veritable cacophony of indigenous life, their drones and whistles filling the air. Small hardy shrubs sprouted a riot of flowers, covering the dusty ground in an absurdly beautiful carpet. A dim purple smear of the horizon peaked through the wall of branches. The bonfire crackled as it cast its golden light over them. All of it completely lost on them, they only had eyes for each other.

Rey knew Ben had understood her innuendo. Her ‘yes’ had unlocked even more parts of his mind, like a long abandoned machine slowly coming back online. His attention was fixated on her, the cogs of his mind turning, calculating all the possible roads for their pleasure. Images flashed in her mind of acts she had never even thought of, their graphic carnality intertwining with an exquisite tenderness. His internal world had her riveted from the first instant she had allowed him in again. Who knew this was Ben Solo? Oh how she had fought to keep him out, what a fool she was.

The tension in the air crackled like the fire before them as they sat on their respective rocks, like polite game pieces waiting to engage. He, a black smudge head to toe, she with the rations case still in her lap, food untouched.

Rey watched Ben as he assessed the distance and the articles of clothing between them, and her mind couldn’t help but do the same, working in tandem on a singular purpose. Her pulse quickened with her breath. _This is really going to happen._

“Maybe we should start talking...” He said evenly as he lay his cloak on the ground before her.

“Talking?” Rey heard herself stammer. Of course she knew what he meant, it’s just she couldn’t form a cogent sentence. He got on his knees, took off his gloves and extended his trembling hand, so like his previous ill-fated proposal. She hoped he would talk a lot less this time, but her hand reached out towards his of its own volition.

“Tell me what you need, I can’t read you anymore.”

“I need you.” Her voice was a breathless whisper as she leant into him, bringing her lips close to his. It was a soft tender kiss, so unlike the first one, so much more deliberate. Dimly in the back of her mind she felt more of his defenses fall away as he melted into her. _How many layers does this man have?_ Her fingers began to work at his jacket, trying to unfasten it clumsily, in an odd compulsion to claim him as hers. Ben laid his hands over her’s, steadying her trembling, guiding her, and the fastenings unlatched one by one.

And thus they began peeling off the physical layers as they had the mental ones since their first meeting. He started on her belt with an absurd reverence, as though living out a fantasy, in awe she was letting him do it. She could feel his desire build until his erection strained uncomfortably against his pants, itching to throw her down and tear her clothes off.

Rey stood and took a step away, looking down at him, already shirtless, feeling an odd sense of power. He had shocked her that day on Acht-to, how big he was. For some reason she had never imagined what he was like under those thick dark robes. Never could she have guessed it was this masterpiece of manhood, carved out and marked by war. There was still war in his face too, in those dark hungry eyes, tense with expectation.

She began to undress herself, while he watched, a goddess materializing in flesh. The fire warmed her skin on as she peeled his undershirt off gingerly, trying not to disturb her bandaged wound. A jarring pang of regret swamped her but it wasn’t her own, it was Ben’s. Fear was in his eyes, and she could sense in excruciating detail how completely inadequate and undeserving of this he felt. His eyes drifted away and darkness began to accost him, rolling in like a ferocious storm, consuming Ben, transforming him back into Kylo.

“No Ben. Forget it, forget it ever happened.” she all but jumped on him, pushing him back into the ground, tongue deep in his mouth, thighs straddling his waist. She wouldn’t give him even a moment to think like that. It seemed to work. The shock of her gesture snapped him out of it.

She could feel his gratitude and relief, the way it hitched in his throat. Still a shadow lingered on the horizon, waiting to send more barbs into him, to twist his soul again. He pushed it away and ran his hands over the dip of her waist and up her bare back. Her skin prickled in response and a warm tingle ignited deep in her belly.

In one sudden motion Ben flipped her over onto her back, and his hands were around her head, lips locked onto hers. The kiss was so indecently wet Rey struggled to breathe.

Her hands wound themselves through his hair and her hips ground into him, body moving in ways that surprised her, as though finally able to unravel and act on what it had wanted all along. It became painfully clear, just how much she had fought it, resisted the inevitable. One hand ran over his shoulder, his arm exploring the dips and planes. _The arms that fought me. The arms that fought for me._ They were hard with knotted muscle, and she could feel them shift with each minute movement as he nuzzled at her ear, breathing her in deeply, tasting the skin on her neck, biting softly.

Ben leant back, fire in his eyes. He looked just the way he had on Starkiller base, as their sabers clashed, her back to the abyss. He offered to be her teacher. _Perhaps it wasn’t just the force he had been talking about,_ Rey smirked to herself. The sight of him pinning her down like that, dark curls framing his face, looking for all the world like he was about to devour her flooded her body with shocking arousal.

“Yes, let go...” His whisper was somewhere between a growl and a moan. He was right. She was melting into him like a galaxy colliding into another one. A darker, stranger one.

Ben reached for her pants and began to tear at them with urgency, despite himself. Rey pulled them down, kicking them off in the blink of an eye. His mouth travelled down her neck, over her nipple as his hand palmed her other breast. The ecstasy of his touch made her back arch, her toes curl. He kissed her abdomen as his hands gripped her hips, fingers digging into her buttocks hard.

Ben sat back again and pulled her undergarment to the side, drinking the sight of her in, biting his lip, that same wildness in his eyes. A moment later his mouth was on her sex, kissing her wetness. Her thighs clenched around his head in shock, then relaxed, hips grinding up into him, the crest of her arousal coming faster than she thought possible. He was unrelenting with his ministrations, licking at her lips, sucking, tongue entering her. shuddered with the climax, loosing control, all her thoughts blown apart into exhilarating nothingness. She heard her cry ring out in the distance, bringing the calls of the wildlife to a sharp halt.

Ren wasn’t stopping. His greed for her began to overtake his thoughtfulness, seeking his own release. She could see in his mind’s eye she began to turn into his possession. What he had been hunting. Desperately. Obsessively. On Takodana, on Starkiller Base, on Crait, on that nameless moon. Across the entire galaxy. Willing to do anything to own her, entirely Kylo Ren. Just like that Ben was gone, replaced by a specter.

He unzipped his pants, pulling out his erect cock, eyes aimed unblinkingly, unflinchingly at hers. Her shock didn’t seem to faze him at all. The saber, the shackles, the force sleep, the mind rape, a flurry of images and sensations swept through her in an unwanted flood.

“You’re mine. You want this.” It sounded for all the world like a command.

He was right in a way, but her heart beating now as though she was being attacked, muscles seizing up in protest. He was going to penetrate her and it was clearly going to hurt with the size of him. _And like this? Does he even care for my comfort now?_

Rey scuttled back pulling her pants to shield her chest.

“And this is how you loose me!”

“No! Do you honestly think I would hurt you? Do you think any part of me could do that? Why do you keep running? Can’t you see???”

“Are you serious? You tried to kill me on Crait. Those TIE fighters didn’t send themselves, though I admit I thoroughly enjoyed frustrating your efforts!”

Her words hit him like a cold bucket of water. He shrunk back, desperation setting in.

“I didn’t know.” She sensed he was telling the truth but her fury was past the point of return.

“Didn’t know?! Didn’t know why I left you on the Supremacy? Didn’t know where your MOTHER was? You knew, and you knew exactly. Your actions prove who you really are!” Rage prickled through her, adrenalin driving her heart into her throat.

Ben was crumbling before her, head pulled in, eyes desperately searching for a lifeline.

“You leaving... hurt me. The anger made me blind.”

“Hurt and angry? Really??!!” She was on her feet, as though ready to fight.

“Like you are now” he whispered so low she almost didn’t hear him, and grabbed his shirt and saber, backing away.

“Where are you going? Are you going to murder some trees???!!!” She had hit her target. His face twitched, but he zipped up his pants and stalked into the darkness followed by Rey’s frustrated growl. She turned on her heel and stormed back to the ship. _The clothes._ She force pulled his cloak off the ground and brought it with her, a childish trophy.

Rey was back in the pilot seat, wrapped in it, knees up to her chest. Her anger broke into a flood of hot sobs. _It’s useless._ Deep down she knew it was her reactions just as much as his that had robbed them both of what they wanted so badly. It wasn’t so easy to look past the abductions and murder attempts.

_I never tried to kill you! I didn’t know you were on the Falcon, I swear it! I wasn’t even trying to kill you on Starkiller Base, when will you see that? I thought my mo…. Organa was dead…_

It was his voice in her head, the link had flipped and he was now privy to the entirety of HER. She bristled. The hurt wouldn’t be appeased so easily, it was more real to her than the wound at her side. Speaking of the wound, the pain began to return, wearing her down even more. She searched for the analgesic pen, and began to administer it with urgency, wishing it would also kill the pain _inside_ her chest. She had made it halfway down the mangled gash when it ran out. It ran out. Rey groaned in frustration. _You can’t be serious!_

Just then she heard heavy footsteps running up the ramp, Ben, rounding the corner and hurling himself into the co-pilot seat.

“We’ve been found! We have to leave! NOW!”

Rey didn’t hesitate, firing up the engine after Ben pointed out the correct lever, and lifting off immediately. They heard some blaster fire connect with the hull before Ben punched the shield switch.

Rey groaned again.

“I took the shield generator out, to trade.”

Ben shot her an irritated look but there was amusement in his eyes.

“You’d better hurry up then.”

It didn’t take long to leave the rather thin band of atmosphere and check they weren’t being pursued. They weren’t. Rey stood up wrapping the black cloak around her for modesty, the pain radiating at her side.

“Who was it?”

“The locals, they were… interesting.”

“I don’t suppose you brought my clothes back in, did you?” Her manner was clipped. 

“By the door." True enough, there was a scattered pile of them in the passage outside the cockpit, where he had tossed them in haste. Jumbled through them lay a myriad of multi-colored flowers.

Rey’s heart skipped a beat. Ben Solo strikes again. She remembered his poem.

 

What am I in the dark

In the deepest forest

She burns the hole

For her freedom

I will begin again

 

She looked up to see him leaning against the doorway, gazing at her deliberately,  with calm affection in his eyes.

“You could have killed them and I never would have known.”

“I could have.”


	10. Chapter 10

Ren could have slapped himself. For all the planning he was supposed to be doing before they landed on that moon, the only thing he had really elaborated upon his first instincts was - a sunset picnic. Perhaps he just needed to stick to making decisions on the fly, he was never a strategist. They were no closer to finding a non First Order ship or getting Rey medical aid. And now he was even more sleep deprived, starving, and his groin ached from being so intensely aroused. Just don’t think about eating Rey…

And as for the locals, he had been innocently (!) picking flowers (!!! Sleep deprivation?) when he chanced upon six of them hiding in the bushes. When he had expected them to be uncivilized, he couldn’t have imagined just how much. They weren’t human but close enough to find himself and Rey attractive enough to watch. Their guilty expressions and exposed genitals told him as much, as did the two coupling like stock animals on the forest floor. Ren had seen some backwaters in this galaxy, but this just revolted him.

One of them immediately snarled pulling out a knife from the harness around his vivid yellow torso.

“First Order scum! You have come to the right place to die. We like your woman. We will show her how it’s really done.” His dialect was hard to understand the flavor of the jibe was familiar. Cackling laughter erupted behind him. They didn’t laugh for long. One force choke and toss and they were silent. 

“I’m busy.” _Kriff._ _Picking flowers._

The coupling female threw off her partner like a pest. The others pulled out their blasters, and one aimed and shot at him. Freezing it, Ren screamed louder.

“I said I’m BUSY!”

One of the band pulled out a comm to hysterically beg for reinforcements. The others where in various states of shock and fear. Ren wanted to end them right there and then, he really did. He looked at the fistful of flowers in his left hand, sighed, and dashed for the ship.

He had almost wanted to tell Rey all about it, but decided that hearing her first roll in the hay being a public event might not be welcome news. The girl had softened when she found her gift, but he could feel the pain of her wound spreading out from her ribs, intensifying at a frightening speed. So he did what he thought was best and forced her into sleep. She lay unconscious next to him, wrapped in his cloak. _Maybe I should have asked._

But then Ben was getting impatient. At this point he needed sleep as much as Rey needed her wound to be addressed. He knew the limits of his capacity were being stretched, and thoughts of the task ahead only aggravated his fatigue. _Med bay and bed, med bay and bed._  

He steered the ship back toward the surface, approaching a desert settlement and landing stealthily behind a ridge. Having grabbed his blaster and saber, he used the force to close the ramp from the outside and set out across the sand. It was night here, but dawn wasn’t far away, this moon having a predictably short rotation. The air was quiet except for the hot gusts of wind and the creak of his footsteps. Behind the dark rocky monolith shone a dim sprinkle of village lights, inviting him forward.

He hoped it would be a different species this time, he’d had enough of those piss colored cretins. Maybe he could write Rey a poem about it, she said she liked colors. His last poem was exceptionally atrocious, all his skill with words had corroded away with disuse. That would explain his proposal in the throne room, he had taken a page from Snoke’s book of persuasion. _Yes, that was it._ He groaned and rubbed his eyes, attempting to bring his delirious mind back to the present moment. It kept sliding from his grip, drifting into internalized stupor.

There was no activity in the small settlement. The huts were no more than a collection of scavenged debris and primitive thatched roofs. They leaned against the towering cliff side as though huddling for warmth, though Ren doubted they ever saw the cold, or much of anything. Scanning around the perimeter he spotted a small freighter parked behind the village. _Perfect._ With that thought, as though in self-mockery, he tripped on a string the length of which carried tiny bells. A guard animal started baying and snarling toward him, barely restrained by rope. Knocking the animal out with the force he dropped to the ground with bated breath. Someone stirred in a hut, turning a light on, peeked out for a moment then headed back in.

Ren chastised his own carelessness, only to laugh at the silly game he was playing. When he had originally suggested to Rey they steal a ship, he had already tempered his inclination to take it with violence. The fact she was scandalized by even that delineated even further the vast gap between them. If he had credits perhaps he even would have woken someone up and paid.

She was having quite the effect, abrading away his sharp edges with every refusal. Training him, he realized. _Who’s the teacher now?_ He had to admit her positive reinforcement was worth it, shifting uncomfortably at the hardness in his pants. He would eat out of her hand and pretend he knew no different, that it wasn’t the sum of his previous choices driving him. Somewhere in the edge of his mind lay the mark of each life he had taken, thousands of scratches, not unlike the ones he’d seen Rey scratch into the wall. Thousands of tiny cuts that haunted him in every fleeting silence. He didn’t even know most of their names and he sacrificed them on an altar of lies.

His body began to sink into the sand, life draining out of his bones, dread deep in his stomach. _A dangerous line of thought at any time, and especially now._ He closed his eyes and dug deep. His hand raised and the freighter followed, floating up above the village, crossing like a shadow toward him. Wearily he hauled himself up to walk behind his silent bounty.

The overabundant starlight reflected off the sand and Ben was all of a sudden struck by its beauty. A quiet world of inky monochrome, vast expanses of space completely empty of life (the village didn’t count). How was it that he was happiest right here, being no one, in the middle of nowhere. He vehemently wished he had just been a scavenger. No First Order, no Resistance, no force, no Snoke, no darkness, no light. Just this vast emptiness and Rey. She would hate that of course, she’d had enough sand to last a lifetime. Maybe if they had a garden.

The black silhouette of the First Order craft loomed near and Ben sat down the freighter next to it with relief. The downgrade in tech was comical, but no where near as much as his new status in the world. _From Supreme Leader to pauper at the speed of Rey. A poem._ Rey would probably like something like that, another creative apology. There would be an endless stream of them, carved into the steaming carcass of his life. He wondered if it was remotely possible to contort words into the shapes needed for his purpose. There were no words to erase the thousands of cuts.

Rey was still inside where he left her, cocooned in black, face slack and lips pale. Ben placed her saber staff and clothing into her bag with renewed energy, pointedly shoving every last flower in there too.

His arms tingled as he carried her, and his breath catching in his throat. She was heavier than her compact frame would suggest, a warrior’s body, muscle built through scarcity and fighting to survive. They were made from the same cloth, him and her yet now he only felt guilt holding her. The body remembered, and hers sprung in revolt far too often.

The new craft stank of livestock and rot. Whoever piloted it had left a shrine of trinkets and beads on the console, and piles of wrappers and bones scattered on the floor. Disgusting. Ben kicked the mess away and ley Rey down, with her head on her bag as a pillow. Firing up the engine he froze as it spluttered and died.

“Start you forsaken piece of shit”. He tried again and to his relief it roared back to life. 

The journey was thankfully short. It was dusk in the Oplorian capital when they arrived, navigating through the streams of traffic to a public landing pad. He was hailed by a control tower and identified themselves as refugees from Plexis, fleeing the First Order. They let them go on their way as expected without any further checks. With such weak security measures they were likely completely unprepared for what was coming their way. Hux would crush them with mercenary fanfare, it was only a matter of schedule. 

Once more he carried Rey, through the bustling street. This capital seemed more of a high density village than anything else, but the species were particularly diverse. Ben wondered how many of them were really refugees, trying to stay ahead of the wave of violence sweeping through the galaxy. The throng clashed with garish shop fronts and makeshift stalls, their bags and vehicles fought for space with stock animals and beggars. Ben felt eyes follow him everywhere, and perhaps it was an omen, but he couldn’t care anymore in his fatigue. 

He pushed himself through the door of a small brightly lit clinic and deposited Rey on a row of seats. A twi’lek attendant appeared from behind the desk bearing a holopad and concerned look. 

“I can see this is an emergency but we must settle payment before we commence.” Her apologetic tone was barely enough to appease him. You would die without credits in this shithole, facilities just a few steps away.

“We have paid in full.” He waved his hand.

“You have paid in full.”

“She will receive your best possible care.”

“She will receive our best possible care.”

The nurse disappeared for a moment returning with two medical droids. They lifted Rey onto a stretcher and took her into the treatment room.

“The clinic is closed to all other clients.”

“The clinic is closed to all other clients.”

The nurse switched off the reception light and locked the door, withdrawing into the rear of the building. Ben, already collapsed on the row of seats, was asleep before she finished.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CC welcome! Updates will be weekly from here on as I'm story boarding the rest of this fic multiple chapters at a time. What have I gotten myself into??? All I will say is if you like action stay tuned, the plot is about to ramp up a gear or two.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Posting ahead of schedule because sometimes the story just writes it self!
> 
> Poor Ben, cock blocking intensifies!

Rey awoke slowly, her mind emerging from the anesthetic haze like one of those ration breads from its mixing dish on Jakku. The haze gave way to curiosity, and finally to alarm as she surveyed the completely unfamiliar surroundings. Pristine white walls gleamed under a band of light spanning the perimeter of the ceiling. She sat up only to knock her head on the plexiglass dome she was encased in. A flurry of beeps alerted a med droid, who now peered at her with detached interest.

“The client is awake.” Another droid on the opposite side of the pod inserted a key into the console and the plexiglass retracted. A blast of cool air brushed past Rey’s skin, and she realized she was almost completely naked, bar some ill-fitting underwear and a clear bacta vest tapped around her torso.

“Where am I?”

“First Choice Med Clinic on Outer Market Street.” 

“Where’s that?”

“Twenty second district.”

“What planet?”

“Oplore Prime” The two droids exchanged a look. “We may need to run a secondary neurological scan to investigate for potential brain trauma.”

“No need. Where is the man that brought me?” Rey was already sliding off the table, bare feet hitting cold tile. The tubes connecting the vest began to strain and pop away from the pod. The droids fussed and reprimanded her as they disconnected her properly.

“Miss, he is waiting in the reception area! Please be patient while we complete the discharge procedure!”

This was all new to Rey, never having had such official medical attention before. On Jakku the best she got was a pity donation of some dried analgesic herbs. She had clutched them like a lifetimes worth of portions and boiled them up reverently to ease the pain of a broken ankle. Which she had set herself, four days prior. She had continued scavenging, desperate for food albeit at a much slower pace. At the time the old woman’s gesture seemed beyond generous.

The droids worked methodically over her chest, removing the fastenings and vacuum suctioning the bacta jell. Eventually the contraption was removed and she was free to inspect her side. The gash was only a hand in length but it was severe enough to have carved a finger’s depth into her ribs. The bacta had healed the skin into a rather subtle scar all things considered, but she was left with a startling groove.

“You will need implants to reinforce the affected ribs. Otherwise any hard impact to the ribcage will result in fractures in the location of your wound.”

“Later” She grabbed a starchy robe the droid held out and stepped through the door.

Ben was lying on the reception seats, his slumped form taking up their entire length, feet dangling over the side. His mouth was slack and his chest was rising and falling with his breath, eyes obscured by dirty hair. _Just like on the Supremacy_ , Rey thought except this time her heart was filled with profound relief. He was safe, and she didn’t have to leave him.

“How long have we been here?”

“Seventeen hours. Your companion has slept the entire time. Perhaps you should consider purchasing a general scan, this is not the standard human sleeping pattern.”

“I have no credits.” Rey realized with alarm she may have given up some sort of bluff, but the droids seemed unconcerned. She knelt by Bens side and gently placed the back of her hand on the artery at his neck. His skin was appropriately warm and his pulse strong and steady. Rey’s breath caught in her chest. His scent and proximity, the intimacy of the touch sent a charge into her groin. Something about how sweaty his hair was, his entire body must have been under those clothes awoke an animal lust. She wanted to own him in his filth. Rey leaned back, unsettled by the intensity of her thoughts.

“Have the implants been paid for?”

“Yes. Would you like to proceed?”

Rey stood and followed them back into the treatment room, still unsteady on her feet. Ben barreled through the door when they were almost finished, eyes wild and hair disheveled.

“Where’s the refresher?” His voice was raspy but it boomed impatiently. He looked over at Rey, scanning her entire length. She gave him a small smile in greeting then realized why his throat had bobbed, her breasts were entirely exposed.

“150 credits for 10 minutes, 600 for an hour. Full bathing facilities are in the back” Rey suppressed a smile at the unwitting innuendo. The droid motioned to the back of the building, but before he had finished he deactivated with a wave of Ben’s arm. The other droid stared quizzically down at Rey but continued to work in her final rib, clearly programmed to compete the procedure above all else.

“He’s not used to…” Rey’s apology trailed off as her eyes followed Ben down the hall. _What exactly is he not used to? Perhaps it was not being at the top of a chain of command, because surely he is getting used to not getting his way with me_. Rey smirked again. What was he doing in the refresher for so long? Rey was only internally kidding to entertain herself, she needed distraction from the graphic procedure being performed at her side. However, when Ben emerged almost an hour later he was subdued and wouldn’t meet her eyes. His hair was washed, so he had showered and put his grimy clothes back on.

Rey was already dressed in her own grim outfit, complete with his undershirt cinched at the waist. She had discovered the clothes along with the flowers and she had melted with recollection.

“How is your wound?” His voice was quieter than usual. Why were they suddenly awkward with each other all over again?

“Completely healed. Thank you. For helping me. For bringing me here.”

She watched his mouth form into a parody of a smile, guilt twisting it beyond recognition.

“How are _you_ feeling?” Her words couldn’t quite manage to cut the tension.

“Hungry.”

“Yeah me too. Let’s get something to eat, then we can get some new clothes.” He looked down at his dusty blacks knowingly but remained silent.

The street outside was bustling with mid-afternoon activity, a stark change from the artificial calm of the clinic. Foot traffic fought for space with delivery carts and street peddlers. Chaotic neon signage loomed above an archaic warren of stone buildings. Walls were peppered with tiny ancient windows, holding watchful eyes. They jarred against the large modern planes of transparisteel of wealthier shops, displaying a dizzying array of wares. The sheer diversity of lifeforms was a sight to behold too. Children ducked and weaved between legs, screeching, mothers shouting at them in exasperation. Rey’s head swam with all the noise and movement, completely unaccustomed to such an over populated place. Smells bombarded her nose, not all of them pleasant. Manure, mingled with food, industrial chemicals and something indescribable Rey had come to known as the smell of a new world.

Ben looked down at her frozen on the steps and smiled, her naivety and inexperience temporarily dispelling his dark mood.

“Are you in my head?”

“Yes.”

“I was wondering who’s turn it was. I hope I didn’t give you any ideas, you know, in the shower.”

“None that I wouldn’t have had regardless.” Rey guffawed, but Ben had already set off into the throng off people, clearly unwilling to continue the conversation. Not that Rey was even capable of it, her attention was completely taken up by trying not to lose him in the crowd. They emerged on the other side of the street, in front of a small stall emitting the intoxicating smell of hot food. Ben approached the seller without hesitation.

“One of everything.” He looked over at Rey. “Two of everything”

“Show me the credits, don’t pretend the dirty likes of you can afford so much.” The old woman hardly looked at them as she continued pouring hot oil over some skewered meat.

“We have already paid, including wine. We will have it served immediately.”

The seller glanced up, brightened and repeated the words verbatim. “Please! Come sit!” 

The entrance to the dining area was so low that they both had to stoop to scramble inside. Dusty carpets covered the floor and several patrons were already sitting down at low tables designed for communal eating. Thankfully they seemed completely unconcerned by them. Rey felt relieved to be in a sheltered space and how it muffled the noise from the street.

The food was delivered quickly, dented metal platters of deep fried buns, meet skewers and other unrecognizable articles. Ben stared at her as she practically inhaled morsel after morsel. After a moment he began eating too, and Rey startled realize she had never seen him eat. The burgeoning domesticity stirred a feeling within her she couldn’t quite put her finger on. There was more too, he was so silent, worried, tense.

The seller brought a carafe of wine and Rey immediately poured herself some. She chugged it down, longing for the intoxication to ease her own tension, and for one of them to break the silence. The warmth spread down into her chest, replacing the warm embrace she was truly hoping for instead.

“We have to find a change of clothes and a place to stay. Then we can… relax.” His voice was reassuring, obviously having picked up on her thoughts, but his face was still marred with worry.

“Ben, what’s wrong?” She asked through her compulsive chewing. The pit of her stomach just wouldn’t fill. His eyes acknowledged her question but he kept on eating. Suddenly he took the carafe and drained the remainder into his mouth.

“Nothing I’m not used to.”

“Oh you don’t mean what I thought before? About you getting your way with me? Don’t get offended, there’s hardly been an opportunity!”

Ben looked like he was considering his words carefully then smiled sadly.

“No, not that, I can wait.” He dismissed her concern but his eyes bored into hers with another. “How old are you?”

“Nineteen, why?”

“And already you have known so much loss that the ordinary person would have drowned and never made it back.”

Rey sighed. 

“More wine!” She called to the seller. She felt a little drunk, but not enough, the wine was definitely watered down. “So have you.” She stated at Ben flatly.

“After enough loss it doesn’t matter how much you fight it. After enough you learn that it is all you will ever have.”

A horrible gnaw started eating at her heart. So this is what he believed. With her wound treated and now there was nothing holding her to him, no pressing predicament binding them together. She could leave, he probably thought she would, and he had said he wouldn’t stop her.

“You’re wrong about that.”

Ben stopped eating and studied her face closely.

“Please don’t promise me anything. I know I asked for it before, but I wasn’t thinking clearly.”

A new patron sat down beside them and the seller threw down a plate in front of him carelessly.

“Promises are my own to give, not something you could ever force out of me.” _I promise I love you with all my heart Ben, and I promise that will never change._ She practically hurled the thought at him in defiance, knowing he would hear it. She looked up to see the eyes of a terrified little boy.

“You scare me too.” Rey’s throat tightened as she reached for the wine, but under the table her foot reached for his leg, desperately trying to reassure him. It nestled against his boot like a lifeline.

“Why do I feel so humiliated?” He spoke at length, barely audible.

“If only we were alone I would show you that I mean no such thing.” Very slowly his hand slid across the table, glove removed, stopping half way. She reached forward and took it in hers, trying to stop the tears from falling onto her emptied plate. She need not have made the effort, a sharp voice cut through the din of the dining room, shocking everyone within.

“Kylo Ren and the scavenger of Jakku! You should have hidden in a hole like the vermin that you are!” A cold spike of fear drove into Rey at the realization they had been recognized. She turned her head to see a tall, masked thug was pointing a blaster at each of their heads, ducking as he stepped over the threshold into the dining area. A necklace of small sharp bones jangled as he did so, and Rey noticed that his entire costume was laced with them, a macabre sight. 

Patrons scrambled to get out of the way, fleeing with heads bowed subserviently. Several more figures similarly dressed appeared behind the first, each bearing blasters and pikes. Their masks were decorated with tufts of hair and razor sharp spines, shaped into frightening sneers.

“Eelo-thuk Death Gang” Ben hissed under his breath and reached for his saber beneath the table.

“Don’t be stupid. I would prefer to take you alive, but your charred bones would do just as well. Call it justice.” Rey’s eyes skimmed over their assailants. There were knives sheathed over multiple locations on their armor, and no doubt other tricks and snares concealed beneath cloaks made of thick scaled hide. The leader motioned with his blaster and half a dozen mercenaries began to inch slowly toward them. The street outside appeared to recede as Rey realized they were utterly cornered.

Ben snorted. “You really didn’t think this one through.” He raised his hand and the tables flew at their attackers, knocking them into the floor. Seeing her chance Rey sprung to her feet and headed for the street while Ben followed. The relief was short lived as they were confronted with a dozen more, each with weapons trained on them. More arrived on speeders in the background, stirring up dust as they veered to a halt. The street began to empty, the crowd heaving and stumbling into each other as they fought to get out of the way. Shutters and doors slammed shut.

Rey ignited her saber staff, immediately in defensive stance. There was calculated fury in Bens eyes as he ignited his with pause, held low by his side. She heard a modulated laugh behind them.

“Oh no, I HAVE thought it through. Do you have ANY idea how many guns I can hire with a price like yours? I can start a First Order of my own! Maybe I will!”

Without warning Ben swung at the nearest target and the street erupted in pandemonium. Rey, trained to respond at a moment’s notice on Jakku now tapped into the newly found Force and began to deflect blaster fire with the blades of her staff. Ben made a sharp motion with his hand and the blasters flung out of their owner’s hands. Instinctively Rey joined with his mind through the force.

 _We need to get out of the open! They have the advantage here!_ Ben’s assessment of the field was incisive, but menacing emotion was rising from deep within. Where Rey expected him to just want to survive, she found annoyance that his conversation with Rey had been interrupted. Annoy tipped into anger, then into blood lust. He moved through his forms with devastating finality, each third strike laying waste to a new opponent. His attacks unnerved the enemy, and they sized up the situation to see if self-preservation would win over the need for glory. Or pay.

Rey gritted her teeth as she assessed the two who were circling her, toying with her. Rey knew this game, they underestimated her because she was female. In a deft move she spun and severed an arm. Three more surged forward in response and she desperately fought to keep them at bay.

“Hurry up and take them! Or I will take your teeth!!” The leader snarled at his henchmen, but he was too late. New parties began arriving on the scene, clad in tarnished chrome armor and bantha-blood red livery. The lead officer spoke into an amplified comm with exasperated authority. 

“All right, break it up! You’re surrounded. We will shoot on sight whoever resists.”

The Death Gang thugs turned their attention from Rey and Ben clearly torn as to what to do. Ren however didn’t hesitate, bringing their leader toward him with the force, durasteel capped boots writing tracks into the ground as they dragged along, making a jarring scraping sound.

“Baltib Thuk. You will tell me who sent you and everything you know or I will take it from you by force and crush every molecule of you in the process.” Ren was gritting his teeth, familiar with the task at hand. It sent chills down Rey’s spine, never having seen him like this since Star Killer base. Is this what his interrogating was really like? She looked around to see that all eyes were on him too, between straining to keep blasters pointed at each other. Likely none of them had seen a display of the force before.

“The Jedi and the Jedi Killer, what a conundrum. You’re the one with explaining to do. It appears your dark side loyalties are shaky.” Baltib’s voice strangled in his throat and Ren brought his hand over his skull and the thug began to grunt in pain.

“Ah yes, no surprise about YOUR loyalties. Credits. Not a single thought to the brother I murdered. You would have sold him if you could too. No. It’s not revenge you’re after.”

“What revenge, when the First Order has offered the Hutts the biggest pile of money they ever slept on. Kill me, but there are thousands waiting in my place. You’re doomed Kylo Ren. And to think that you could have had a bit more time if only you’d thought to kill those yellow cunts across the way. All it takes is one tiny mistake.” Baltib had the defiant tone of someone who had grown comfortable with the idea of their own death, and would squeeze out every last bit of joy as tribute to a life well lived.

One by one the mercenaries began to slink away to their speeders as the law enforcers held them in their sights, abandoning their leader before he was even finished. Ren continued digging through Thuk’s mind to check for lies, and Rey could almost feel the searing pressure in hers the way she did at Snoke’s attentions. The darkness in him heaved and fought with the light, overwhelming each benevolent impulse as it came. The pain and fear of repeated betrayals and persecution congealed into a deadening brew. He might have had the upper hand here, but internally he felt like a cornered animal. When he finished he crushed Thuk’s windpipe and let him drop to the ground.

Rey reeled with shock at what she was witnessing. It deepened even more when she saw two men from the peace keeper force take off their helmets and stare at her from behind Ben, pale faced and stunned.

It was the familiar faces of her dear friends, Finn and Poe Dameron. They were here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The plot thickens mwahahaha!


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shut your goddamned mouth Poe!

For an infinitely long moment time seemed to stop for Rey. Clouds of dust stirred up by the fight now floated undisturbed by movement, not by Ben, nor Finn or Poe, nor anyone in that street. Only the dying thug’s boots snaked side to side as he suffocated, kicking up more. The violet sunlight gave the air an eerie hue, only reminding her how far from Jakku she was, on every level. Endless days identical to each one now replaced by constant twists of fate. Oppressive loneliness and boredom replaced by more psychological intrigue than she could likely ever process. Total obscurity replaced by being thrust into pivotal roles, affecting far more people than she could ever meet. _I can take this in stride. I must take this in stride._ Yet her mind boggled at the astronomical coincidence of this meeting _. From all the systems in the galaxy both General Leia and Ben chose to come here._ She wondered if it was some sort of sign, a message.

Ben turned to look at her, not yet having noticed Finn and Poe, and checked her for injury, running the force over her like a warm hand. The dying man at his feet was completely forgotten. Until later that is, she had seen enough to understand this would haunt him too.

“Are you alright…?” His voice trailed off as he gauged her frozen expression and her line of sight past him. As he turned to look, Rey saw too what he would see.

An enemy and a traitor. Someone he had interrogated and someone he almost killed. Rivals for her affection, standing in judgement and condemnation. Men who enjoyed his mothers support when he couldn’t be further from it. A witness to the darkest most unforgivable of his acts, patricide. Vermin he would have crushed in the past, which now had a higher standing to the woman he loved than him. Flesh and blood mirrors for the very worst of him.

Rey felt Ben through the force, icy dread spreading to each limb. All the shame he was suppressing, like a spring coiled at the edge of violence, or completely falling apart. She couldn’t tell which, and neither could he.

“Ben” She ground out in warning, as a plea.

Finn circled Ben, eyes filled with suspicion and made his way to Rey, pulling her into a fierce embrace. It was a strange thing, covered in armor as he was, but she didn’t care, overwhelmed by relief.

“Finn…” She croaked out and hugged him back. As though given a signal that the fight was over the lead peace keeper exchanged a few words with his men and they made their way to their vehicles. Doors started to open tentatively, cautious heads peering out.

“I thought I would never see you again. Did he hurt you Rey? Tell me, don’t lie.” He whispered protectively all the while squeezing her tight. Rey’s heart melted at his concern, and his forgiveness.

“I’m so sorry, everything happened so fast..” her voice choked with tears.

“Did he hurt you?!” He insisted as he inspected her at arms length, his eyes running over her the same way Ben had with the force just a moment earlier.

Ben shifted on his feet, standing several paces away like a shadow, an uninvited guest. He was struggling to contain his jealousy and insecurity. His humiliation flooded her senses mixing with her own emotions, leaving her struggling to speak.

“No. He didn’t” Rey realized with poignancy that it was true, but her shaky voice lacked the conviction Finn needed to hear. He swung around to face Kylo Ren, the man who had almost filleted his spine clean out of his back.

“And what is it that you think you're doing? You think you can indoctrinate her into seeing you as something other than what you are? Well I have news for you! She’s too smart! Way too kriffing smart!”

“Finn no, he has left the First Order! He’s turning to the light.” _But is he?_ _He had just killed with all the darkness I thought was waning._

“Or more like got unceremoniously booted out, we’ve heard all about it. Oh, and now we have seen his light too.” Poe cut in as though reading her mind, radiating with disdain. He walked into Ben’s line of sight to ensure he was noticed. “You are completely unworthy of her, you know that, don’t you?” It was a verbal backhander if ever she’d seen one, delivered with complete disrespect, and it was as much as Ben could take. His lips peeled away from his teeth into a sneer and he raised his hand bringing Poe rising up with it.

“Yes, I know.”

“No! Stop it!” Rey’s cry wasn’t enough to cut through his unhinged rage and he held Poe suspended, clutching at his neck. Ben’s eyes pierced into Poe’s, whites showing, seemingly on the verge of an unthinkable decision, collapsing into his darkness, all faith in himself lost.

 _“Stop it or I WILL stop you!!!”_ Rey blasted into his mind with the force, winding herself too with its sudden pressure. Ben snapped out of his trance to look at her in shock, releasing Poe who stumbled to his feet coughing. The same rage that had gripped Ben before now began to rise in her, cold and dead. There was already regret written all over him, but it was too late.

“Go. Go before you make it worse. _”_ Her voice a hard, impenetrable wall, and it rode roughshod over the frightened little boy she was now speaking to. Ben shrunk back at her words.

“This is why I asked you not to promise me anything _”._

Without another word he turned on his heel and disappeared into the re-emerging crowd.

Finn and Poe beamed at her as though she had made a decision. She hadn’t. A little girl inside longed to be with her family, and the Resistance was as close to it as she had ever known. Yet Ben had snaked his way so deep into her heart she wasn't sure where she belonged. Only the frightening darkness in him, so close to the surface pushed her away.  Finn began to register her frozen hesitation and a frown began to creep over his face.

“Rey, come back with us. General Leia, Chewy, BB-8 and the resistance, were all here.” His voice drew her in with its concern and warmth, and she longed to forget the dilemma she was in.

Another voice cut through the hum of the crowd, grave and familiar. “Don’t give up on Ben like I did, Rey. He needs you. The road back to the light is not an easy one.” It was Luke Skywalker. He stood next to her, transparent and glowing blue, his wizened face heavy with knowledge. Finn was still looking at her with expectation, clearly unable to see him.

“I can’t” Rey replied to her friend, the words barely making it out of a tightened chest.

Finn’s face dropped, as did his gaze to the ground like she knocked the wind out of him. Poe walked over to her and put a hand on her shoulder, squeezing it gently as though to shake her out of a trance.

“Maker knows we can’t help who we love, but you really need to think about what you’re doing. Come back to us Jedi, he’s gone.” His eyes beseeched her with gentleness and understanding, but also with the patient authority of someone speaking to a child, unwittingly angering her. Luke was still standing beside her too, looking on. Rey shook her head lost for words, anguish written on her face, and slowly she pulled away.

“I’m sorry, I wish I could explain…”

Finally, Finn walked towards her with grim purpose and pressed something into her hand, tightening his hands over her own. “For whenever you’re ready, Rey. We will wait.” He gave her one last look and they both turned to leave her there, standing in the street alone. She turned to find Luke gone too. 

_Every kriffing man has a kriffing opinion today, don’t they? Is it standard issue with a cock and balls?_ Finn's final words touched her deeply, but anger bubbled in her from being so judged and condescended to all at once. Did no one realize she had a perfectly good mind of her own? Though if she was perfectly honest Luke's words did more than a little to sway her. Rey thought back to her vision of the fractal of the force, the dark attempting to consume the light, and the light fighting and rejecting it in turn, the conflict reverberating out through every being in the galaxy. Her and Ben were more than just a personal drama, children squabbling in the street, deep inside she knew the warring factions had to put down their weapons and unite. But how?

 

***

“How will you find them again?” Ben asked Rey, voice a little too shaky. She opened her hand to reveal a binary beacon, the corners of her mouth rising. He couldn’t begrudge her happiness, maker knows he wanted her to be surrounded by people who loved her as she should be loved. But happiness for her was tinged with sadness at the knowledge it is something he could never share with her, he could never have himself. And her happiness was more than tinged with anger at him. It was almost eclipsed.

She had chased him down in the street earlier while he was stumbling along, not much more than a broken ghost, and pulled him in roughly into a clothing shop. His heart all but jumped into his throat, giddy with relief, melting at her touch, but she was grim and purposeful, mouth pressed tight into a thin line. Now she shoved a shirt into his hands.

“Put it on.” It was the first thing she had said to him since the fight in the street, and her tone allowed no argument. He stared down at the cream fabric, the collar so like the one his father used to wear, then looked up at Rey with rising alarm. “Yes, put it on. You are your father’s son, you can never escape it. You tell me to stop running, how about you try that yourself.” His lips wanted to utter _I killed him_ , but his mouth was dry and lifeless.

“Put it on or so help me maker I will put it on you myself!”

“I think you just want to see me take my shirt off.” Rey didn’t expect this sudden turn of humor, and she bit back a smile as she disappeared to hide behind a rack of clothes.

“Here’s the thing, put it on and I promise I will be the one to take it off again.” The mounds of clothing couldn’t muffle the deviousness out of her voice. That was all it took for his erection to return.

“Yes Master. Though I am confused, how is it that you could tolerate to, with so much darkness still within me?”

“I would need to write you a book on what I think of darkness. In the meantime, if I’m going to be so penalized for fraternizing with it, I may as well enjoy it.”

_Kriff, you’re testing my self-control, Jedi._

Rey rounded the rack to face him again.

“Put. It. On. It’s your new shirt. And here…” she tossed him some navy pants, a vest and a utility belt. “A new day, a new you. Hurry up. I’ve waited long enough.”

“Aren’t you going to pay?”

Rey turned into the shopkeeper’s direction and shouted, “I’ve paid!”

“You’ve paid!” Came the coerced reply.

 _Has she ever._ He grabbed the clothing and took them behind a thin curtain to change half certain that if he stripped in front of her the two of them would end up consummating right there on the shop floor. He moved with so much anticipation he almost forgot the significance of what he was doing. _Kriff. She’s training me again._

The new clothes felt light and comfortable, already worn in and so different to his blacks, which were stiff and heavy with leather reinforcement. He felt like he could stand up straighter, despite the crippling guilt that wound it self around his insides. He transferred his saber clip to the new belt and attached his weapon. It was an action he never would have thought he would do in a thousand years. The light saber that burned through his father’s heart, pinned to a smuggler’s outfit. _Who am I now? WHAT am I now?_

He emerged from the stall to be inspected, unready but willing. Rey had already changed into a new tunic herself, as grey and unremarkable as was possible to imagine, and yet somehow managed to be even more beautiful. A thousand things seemed to wash over her face.

“Not so hard is it.” Her voice wavered and she bit her lip turning away. “Now we just need a room to stay.” She grieved for Han, and for himself.

Ben knew her bravado was more than a just a game, they had changed so they would be more difficult to spot, more bounty hunters no doubt already on their way. And finding a room to get out of the open was only common sense. In fact it was safest for them both to flee the system entirely, but if they did so Rey would be drawn further away from her friends. She was making precarious compromises on his behalf, on their behalf. The young woman seemed to be sure of her decisions, but that didn’t make them any less difficult.

So Ben swallowed hard and did what he thought a good man would do, he took her hand warmly and pulled her into an embrace. Rey collapsed into him, burying her face into his neck, and his heart thundered at the intensity of the touch, so unfamiliar and longed for. He knew it was the same for her, they had both been deprived of contact for months, years on end. Her chestnut hair was brushing under his chin and her soft cheek pressed into the artery at his neck, the length of their bodies melting together, arms wrapped around each other, drawing comfort. But his erection was digging into her hip and the need for comfort was soon replaced by burning desire. Rey looked up at him with parted lips, those ridiculously long lashes casting shadows on her freckled cheeks, certainty deepening in her eyes. “The room. We need a room.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God you two! Just get a room! Gees… [But seriously, who could resist this?](https://imgur.com/JlIFPDl)
> 
> Kudos and comments are very appreciated! If you have any concrit I am open ears for that too :)


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Porn with plot, and feelings :)

Rey was in a strange kind of trance by the time they made it to this room above the clothes shop, righteous anger which had made her so bold with Ben earlier fading into the background. It was as though their bodies had a will of their own and Ben questioned the shopkeeper about rooms, ordering the man around impatiently, willing to take anything as long as it was NOW.

They followed the shopkeeper’s lumbering backside up a flight of rickety stairs, but Rey’s eyes only noticed Ben’s, his long muscular legs, the boots that were no doubt the same he had worn on Takodana. There was no conflict between them now and they moved with a singular purpose. They had fought in unison when pushed to the brink and it seemed they would fuck like it as well. Rey, despite her technical virginity held no more reservations, overtaken by a primal kind of hunger that wasn’t entirely physical. Having ruminated on the conundrum of the dark versus the light she could only think of one thing to do, and it wasn’t any Jedi technique that she knew of. She felt like she was an ocean wave about to crash into him, breaking into a thousand pieces over and over again, mind, heart, body together, with no distinctions between them. And she would not discriminate into what part of him she would crash, the light and dark together, just as long as it was him.

The room itself was as humble as could be without actually being dirty. It was dim, and the noise of the street was no more then a gentle drone. The depraved utility of the double bed jarred with what she felt was about to take place, but no matter, it would do. The door closed and like magnets finally free from obstacles their mouths found each other in a fierce, hungry kiss. Ben pushed her into the back of the door with his body, shocking her, pressing the length of himself into her, his hard cock once more digging into her crotch.

“So you said you want to enjoy the dark.” His breathless growl into her ear sent shudders of pleasure from her mouth down into her torso. “Do you have any idea how much I wanted to do this to you in that interrogation room? I’ve been good. I waited.” Her breath came hot as she remembered how close he has leaned into her then, those full lips tormenting her, inches from her face. He had tried to be gentle in his savagery. Just like now. His hand palmed at her breast roughly as they kissed, searching it’s way under her clothes, tongues rammed completely in each other’s mouths, grinding his rock hard cock into her.

“You’re yet to convince me about how good you are.” He had grabbed her by the waist and deposited her on the bed before she even finished the sentence, knocking the breath out of her. There was darkness in his eyes, like the kind that had shocked her into aggression during their last encounter. This time she knew it deep down in her bones he wouldn’t hurt her, and whatever passion he saw fit to release himself to wasn’t about inflicting pain. His eyes scanned her body as he crouched on top of her, hair almost obscuring them, then travelled up to meet hers.

“Kriff I’m so in love with you Rey. Do you trust me?” She nodded breathlessly. “Good, because I don’t actually know what I’m doing anywhere near as much as you think I do.” If he was inexperienced it didn’t seem to show, he was undoing her belt with expert dexterity. The sensation of his fingers digging under it and pulling it off intensifying the heat in her sex. “I’ve heard this might hurt.”

“I give you permission to hurt me.”

His eyes flashed at her, an odd shy softness in them all of a sudden.

“Do you.”

“Yes.” He yanked her pants down in a sharp motion and Rey kicked them off the rest of the way, then he started to pull his shirt off and unbuckled his own belt. His chest and arms were still marred by bruises, purple welts bleeding into yellow at their edges. One day she would have to ask him to explain them, he didn’t get them in any battle she’d seen. “Wasn’t that my job?” She nodded her head toward the heap of his new shirt on the ground.

He looked up at her with confused exasperation. “Do you want to start again?”

Rey pulled her tunic over her head. “Maybe after we finish.”

“Ambition is not usually encouraged in the Jedi.”

“I don’t do things by halves.”

“We’ll see.”

He pulled his cock out and she realized what he meant when she registered his size again. The sight of it made her blush down to her breasts despite her boldness just a moment ago. _Kriff, maybe he’s right._

The insistent ache in her belly however only deepened, and she reached down to touch her sex, slipping one finger into it. Her body was more than ready, and he was panting, transfixed at what she was doing to herself, sliding her finger in and out than adding another one. Ben bit his lip, swallowed hard and leant down, running his tongue along her lips and fingers both, then pushing her hand away and inserting his own, testing. He groaned at her wetness, then added one more. His hands were much larger and she resisted the urge to grind up into him. When he added a third an involuntary moan escaped her lips at the stretch, and her hips bucked up into him. It was all that Ben could take and he took his hand and brought the tip of his cock to her entrance resting it against her sex and seeking out her eyes again asking for permission. Her head nodded automatically with ravished ascent.

The tip of his cock still pressed on her Ben leant down so that his mouth was at her neck and Rey instinctively wrapped her arms around his shoulders as though to brace herself, his skin so shockingly smooth and warm on her hands, the smell of his dark hair intoxicating, every inch of him hard unyielding muscle. She felt his mind search hers urgently and she opened to him, their emotions crashing into each other. All the love and longing they felt for each other, all the years of excruciating loneliness and torment, all of Ben’s self-recrimination and desperate need for her approval, her commitment. All of her fear of being alone in the world. The force only intensified every physical sensation and they came to know the searing heat in each other’s hearts, equal to the one in their bodies. Rey sought out Ben’s mouth and kissed his lips with exquisite tenderness, chaste little pecks to counter animalistic carnality about to happen bellow.

“Do it.” She whispered hugging him tight, chests pressed together hard, hearts beating harder. Ben seemed to twitch as though released from unbearable strain and sunk into her, moaning in ecstasy. The burning stretch made her dig her nails into his back, as she struggled to bite back a yelp. But he kept driving himself deeper, his mind fixed firmly on the place where she decided when she was at her limit. She didn’t seem to have one.

Jakku had acclimatized her to daily pain, she worked through her injuries like it was a fact of life. The cuts on her hands, sprained ankles, broken bones even never stopped her, only slowed her down. So the tearing pain and the length of his cock hitting her cervix didn’t stop her, she wanted him completely inside, no matter the cost. He began to thrust, pulling out only slightly in between each one and she gritted her teeth, panting through the pain, and the intoxicating pleasure all in one. Ben leant down into her, bellies now connected together in as close an embrace as was humanely possible, almost smothering her with his weight, all their anger and hurt they had caused each other melting away in a euphoric rush. Rey gently bit into his shoulder, tasting the dried salt of the fight in the street, another point to anchor her to him.

“I don’t know how long I can last like this.” He moaned into her ear and she knew what he meant. He was thinking off his cock and how tightly gripped it was, but in reality he felt like his identity was shattering in her presence, years of rationalizations and repressions colliding with her simple burning purity. She had already changed his life irrevocably, and now he felt like he was imploding into an abyss of light. She accepted the broken boy he hated without reservation, and now he needed her in ways neither of them could understand. Each thrust into her became an act of worship, he wasn’t conquering, he was submitting into her, dying.

She couldn’t quite believe how much she loved him, every single part of him, from every mark on his skin to every episode of his life, the real sacred text. It thrilled Ben and petrified him in turn. She let herself be carried away by the rhythm he was setting, straining to keep himself from nailing her with wild abandon, her physically braced to take him, but souls swimming in an endless bliss, minds expanding ever outward. Everything seemed right again, the whole galaxy in it’s correct order.

Suddenly their surroundings melted away and in that moment they were in a field. Kylo Ren was walking toward her, black head to toe, emerging from a graveyard, a sea of burned and butchered corpses. A rumble deep in the earth struck terror into her heart but her feet were rooted into the charred ground and she couldn’t move. The closer he came to her the more pained he became, and lacerations began appearing on him, slicing across his chest, arms, thighs, face, red gashes oozing blood in slow motion. Finally, he stumbled to his knees before her, life nearly gone, collapsing onto his hands, head bowing in defeat. Strands of his hair blew in the wind, matted with ash, ashes of his enemies and his victims alike. At length he looked up, bruised face painted in existential horror, but as his eyes focused on her they slowly shifted to something like tentative hope. He was staring at her stomach, and she looked down to see a glow emanating from her lower abdomen, her hands enveloping it protectively. In that moment the graveyard seemed to melt away, and so did Ben’s lacerated clothes. He kneeled before her naked as the day he was born, singular purpose burning in his eyes, all of his mangled life concluded into this one moment. Only life can pay for death, and only new life could compel him to continue living. A tiny green shoot emerging brightly from decaying loam. The spark in the darkness.

And with that the vision was gone and Ben was gazing down at her in shock. In shock but also in a strange kind of recognition, and then hypnotized compliance. He buried his face into her hair again, half in embarrassment, and continued thrusting. All his love for her intertwined with the completely unexpected but utterly compelling desire to impregnate her. Rey, in shock herself, lay back and surrendered to him, unquestioning yet bewildered at witnessing the last possible thing she could have ever predicted emerging from Kylo Ren. He wanted a reason to live. He wanted to forget himself and live for someone else. He wanted to be a father. But her bewilderment tipped into his humiliation and shame, closing the doors of his psyche one by one, until he lay on top of her motionless, in a painfully intimate embrace, completely at a loss.

Rey struggled from underneath him and Ben shifted to let her free assuming rejection, face turned away, blank like a mask. Gently she pushed him back down into the bed, hands tingling with the touch, and climbed on top, one hand guiding his cock back toward her entrance, his dark eyes blown wide with surprise.

“I’m not running away.”

“Don’t toy with me.” It came almost like a warning, she was skirting close to a wound.

Rey wasn’t playing any games, the powerful current of the force was running through her and her personal desires conflated with it seamlessly, all thought of consequence made irrelevant. She slid down on his cock with a groan then began to ride him slowly, hands planted on his chest muscular chest, marvelling at it’s chiselled contours, at his abs clenched to hold her weight on top of his hips. Ben gripped her hips, fingers digging in hard into her flesh in encouragement, or to prevent her escape. She couldn’t tell anymore as his mind was completely closed to her.

It didn’t take long before Ben was tilted his head back and cried out with orgasm, shuddering and convulsing under her, driving himself into her one last time, almost winding her. She let the pain abate while he came back around, gazing down at her handiwork with pride. And as soon they caught their breath he flipped her onto her back in one smooth move, making her feel lighter than a leaf again. Pushing her thighs apart with his hands he planted his mouth on her sex, ravishing it with his tongue and lips, sucking at her clit, completely unconcerned at his seed seeping out of her. Rey stretched out on the bed, fingers digging into the blanket and let him bring her to her own climax, pulsing through her every cell, shattering her mind into oblivion.

It took an age for her mind to re-coalesce, and as it did she watched Ben collapse on the bed next to her, wrapping his arms around her protectively, nuzzling into her neck. They drifted in a euphoric haze, bodies in the grip of the after glow. Her skin tingled with pleasure at every point that they touched, intertwined into a jumble of limbs and hair, ears trained on the sound of his soft breathing. In her heart glowed a new understanding, but one she couldn’t name or explain.

With that understanding came something else, the quiet knowledge that with another vision everything was about to change again.

Irrevocably.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning. – Khalil Gibran

Ben drifted in a place between worlds. He couldn’t believe Rey was laying by his side, actually next to him, actually naked with him. There was a vision that they had together but it was lost to him now, something he couldn’t quite cope with he was sure. It had happened before, these gaps in his memory. Something about unforgivable sin, something that could snap him in half. Best forgotten. 

And now this dim room and the girl by his side seemed like a dream and he would wake up at any moment, but he was unconcerned because even just having his dream would give him the will to continue just for one more day. One more day in the cold bowels of a star ship, in a sea of numbered soldiers, lower in rank than him, but just as disposable.

And maybe he would wake, then all that would be left to do was to recite every moment of her into his memory. All her crazy defiance, all of her vulnerability, towering strength and undeserved and unearned tenderness toward him. Every freckle on her body, a body he had seen all of now, every hair on her head, every eye lash and shy smile. She was perfect. She wasn’t real. He would have to wake up and put on his armour, physical and otherwise and pull that helmet over his head to hide from himself. Then he would go and face the nightmare that his so called life, abusing the world with his strength and wrecking it with his weakness. He would pull out little pieces of the memory of her every time he felt he couldn’t breathe, every time he felt like he was really in the vacuum of space dying all the while the military hive droned on around him unconcerned. Little Reys of light. He wondered where he put his calligraphy set, he needed to write every moment of her down. Then it hit him. His calligraphy set burned in Luke’s temple years ago. And he was here. With Rey.

She stirred slightly next to him, her every languid movement writing itself on his consciousness. She was completely unaware of the effect she was having, he had put up his durasteel wall up and unless the force bond was playing tricks on them again, she only saw the façade he put on. And the façade was that he wasn’t utterly enthralled, utterly in her mercy. His face was pressed into the side of her neck, in what he thought was a natural behaviour of lovers. Casual. Unaffected. In the meantime his eyes were nearly rolling back in his head at the scent of her skin and hair, the sensation of skin-to-skin contact. Her skin. _How can she tolerate me. This is a trick._

Rey rolled over to face him, all sleepy eyes and parted lips, bringing a hand up to gently stroke his face. They were breathing the same air, more like breathing each other. He gazed back into her eyes for a while before it became too much and he had to look away. Why was this painful? Why did he want to hide? Her hand remained on his face, her fingers slowly splaying into his hair, sending shivers down his spine. He closed his eyes and drifted. If his eyes were closed then there would be no tears. But if he was to drift then come back, would she still be there?

He pulled himself to lean over her and made his way to her heart, kissing the space between her breasts, slowly dragging his lips over her skin trying to keep her from evaporating before him. He kissed her every rib one by one, running his hands down her sides, over the new scar that he was responsible for. _Yes this must be real, there is my failure and shame, printed right there on her body._

She groaned under him, stretching out and arching her back, head thrown back. If he allowed himself to get completely carried away in his insanity he would think that she was feeling the same, but he couldn’t check, couldn’t break the illusion. _Yes, she feels the same, this is a good dream._ He began kissing her down her side and over her hip, slowly, gently barely touching her with his lips, then leant his head into lower abdomen, breathing in her smell in the soft curls of her pubic hair. Why couldn’t he just stay here forever. Her hands were resting on his hair so tenderly, he was relaxing deeper and deeper into her. But the thing between his legs just wouldn’t relax, he was hard again. He’d be damned if he would pass up this opportunity, so he pulled himself up and crawled back over Rey until his head was directly above hers. She opened her eyes, taking him in.

“Hey stranger.” Now what did she mean?    

“Hmmm.” He sounded drunk.

She was looking up at him with startling innocence and all the wisdom of the ages all in one, his beautiful contradiction. His princess of light, ready to crush those that would hurt them with darkness. His evasiveness registered on her face as curious acceptance. She glanced down at the erection dangling between his legs and the corners of her mouth twitched, and she looked shy. She looked shy. 

“Probably not hey, you would still be so sore.”

“I could try.” He took it as a no and began to bite gently at her nipple, massaging her waist. She moaned under him. They stayed like that for a timeless moment, just focusing on their bodies, but then she sat up onto her elbows to look at him.

“Ben, why are you hiding. From me I mean. Did I do something?”

“No.” He continued to tease her nipple. His response didn’t seem to be enough.

“Then what.” She was so gentle but her prying hurt already.

“You will make me say things… won’t you.” He murmured as he moved to the other breast now trying to distract her in earnest.

“Yes.” There was that defiance again. Maker he loved her, but this was not going in the direction he wanted. They were heading closer to crashing into reality with every spoken word.

“Rey, can I just say, could you please shut up.”

“You’re an asshole.” Her casual dismissal was sweeter than she could ever comprehend. He was just a common asshole for a moment. What a relief.

“I know.” 

“Ben!” He sat up to face her obediently, but he couldn’t meet her eyes. 

“Was it the vision? Because I didn’t mind it. I mean I was surprised but that doesn’t mean I don’t want….that.” She was straining just as hard to talk as he was to avoid this conversation.

“You can’t say it either.” Rey flared with sudden self-awareness and indignation, glaring at his nonchalant smile. _So cute_.

“Maybe not.” She conceded and looked away. He didn’t expect that. It made desperation rise in him seemingly out of nowhere and he was talking before he had even time to register the sudden shift in himself.

“Would you go someplace else with me? Would you find a place with me where we could hide and have a life?” He didn’t like how savage he sounded, like he was fighting for air all over again. Rey’s face lit up with dawning recognition, and the smile she gave him could keep him warm for the rest of his days. But just as quickly it fell into confused worry and she began to chew at the nail on her thumb. Yes, she was calculating all of the terrain, the politics, all the bounty hunters, the war and the loyalties, the whole galaxy suddenly involved in the fragile flame of their relationship. Standing between him and his air, and the air did seem to leave his lungs, dread constricting his ribcage. It wasn’t as though _she_ was unaffected either, if she chewed any harder she would bite her knuckle clean off. Just like that the dream was gone.

“Leave were?” She was begging for him to tell her a reassuring story, he could see it, something very convenient and convincing. Something she hadn’t thought of, something she could believe.

“The unknown regions. Or some semi-deserted moon. Or Jakku. We could take on different identities and scavenge… Luke’s island. Somewhere we had no outside contact and could never be found.” He hated how flat it all sounded, and how desperate he was for her to approve of his utterly and deliberately stupid plans. Even the unknown regions had a spy network built by Snoke. Who is to say Hux didn’t inherit it with his death, he should know but he hadn’t been paying attention in his heartbroken delirium. Or Hux could torture some poor force sensitive soul to track them, and if they blocked themselves from the force they would just be more defenceless. How long could they run? How could they bring a child into that? He hadn’t survived this long by being stupid and Rey wasn’t either.

_Yes stupid plans, why do I feel like I will drop dead if she says no?_

“Why can’t we stay here?” She was thinking of her friends, of the resistance.

“Because it’s dangerous. That’s why.” _No. Not the nightmare again. Shut up Rey. Just shut up!_

“Why? We fought off the bounty hunters, we can do it again. We can stay here, and I can still help...”

“Because we’ve been found Rey, we didn’t kill them all.” He cut her off sharply. “They have scattered and are at this very moment selling our location to the highest bidder. And those bidders have First Order spies planted in every cartel, brothel and bedchamber of every crime boss in existence. And as soon as the words are spoken Hux will know. Do you know what he does? He pretends it’s all military strategy and schedule but he will move Oplore up in the queue for a personal vendetta. It was two weeks away when I left, it wont be once he knows were here. Do you have any idea how much he hates me? Do you have any idea how much he HATES? You want to know why I didn’t want to talk? Because the First Order fleet is about to mow this place down and we have to leave. And then you will have to choose who you will stand by.”

Rey was looking at him horrified, blanching. _It’s all over._

“Come with me Rey. Come start a new life with me. You saw the vision, I saw it. I would be a liar if I said it wasn’t true, every last bit of it. I have nothing else to live for.” _She made me say the words ._ ”Please.” And now he was begging again, like he told himself he wouldn’t, and even before she said anything he knew her answer. He had known it all along.

“Ben, stay with us! Fight with us! I know its hard facing what you have done but they will see that you’re a good man eventually.”

“Good man? You mean mass murderer, interrogator, Snoke’s enforcer, his own father’s killer. I killed the Jedi, I nearly succeeded in killing out the resistance too. They hate me. I hate me. YOU should hate me, and pretty soon I think that you will. You want to know something? About how this place is going to fall? If they, you, whomever, resists just a little too much Hux will use it as an excuse to play with his new toys. He’s more blood thirsty than he’s ever been given credit for. Even Snoke didn’t master-mind The Hosnian System massacre, he was tempering him. You go join the resistance, and you will only contribute to getting this place blown up with a big gun. For what? Ideology?” 

“This is not about ideology! This is about lives! These people have fled their homes to try to find a safe place to raise their families. You know yourself there is no safe place. How can we abandon them?” She was breathing hard, gesturing so wildly in defence of every life but his own. “You want to be a father? How about you grow up!”

She was stood facing him shaking with dying hope, with defiant expectation, but those last words may as well have been a hit to the head. Ben reeled in shock but also in familiarity of the pain and the betrayal. Still the little ball of light in the pit of Rey’s belly kept calling him forward. Once more he was on that threshold of destruction.

“Please Rey. You said that you loved me. If you love me then PLEASE come with me!” The world was already fading to black, this appeal taking every last shred of will for him to stay vulnerable. The nightmare, it was getting worse, because he’d allowed himself to hope.

“Ben I DO love you. I meant it! And I will mean it with my dying breath! But I can’t and won’t abandon the entire galaxy and leave people to DIE because you can’t face your past. I can’t! I have to warn them! I have to help them!” 

She was squeezing his hands and there were tears running down her face. She looked like she was trembling. He’d seen that face before, he’d done it again. His body sunk into the bed and his hands went limp, the rising tide of pain paralyzing him. A part of him separated from him and watched the scene from the ceiling. A bruised scarred heap on the bed. The girl struggling to get dressed through panting sobs. The girl walking to the door and staring at the heap calling a name repeatedly (the heap doesn’t reply). The girl breaking down and crying more, turning and leaving. The girl closing the door.


	15. Chapter 15

Rey slammed into the back of a large crolute obscured by the shadows of a stall. They recoiled from each other and she felt the slap of a fleshy hand on the back of her head, the creature grunting something unintelligible, scolding her like a child. It reminded her of Unkar Plutt but oddly this time she felt like she actually deserved it. She pushed past him and kept running, ducking and weaving through the pulsing crowd. _Focus!_

The ground felt hard under her feet, harder than it ever had before. She was used to sand, but it wasn’t that. It was guilt. She had left Ben in a state, and she still didn’t quite know how she managed to walk out of that room. She had felt so sure about her righteousness, about her convictions, but now all she could see was the image of her parent’s ship leaving her. And the image of him naked and shattered, like she had crushed the last bit of soul in his chest. He didn’t seem to realize there was something crushed in her chest too, just as badly as his.

So she ran through the crowd she had chosen over Ben, fully realizing she was all but invisible to them, just another body in the heaving sea of flesh, anonymous and insignificant. She ran because if she walked she would turn around and run right back to him. But as she ran she was reminded of the aching soreness between her legs, where he made love to her, where he had broken her in. She could swear she could feel his seed still leaking out of her even no and in the rush she forgot to secure her hair and it blew about wildly, coming completely undone. Dust coated the inside of her nose and mouth with every pant. It stuck to the tears that were still flowing out of her eyes even though she had stopped sobbing. She wiped them on her armlet and continued to check the beacon, gritting her teeth.

Who was she saving anyway? At what cost? Would a billion lives justify two broken hearts ? Or one new life? Maybe it wasn’t the light she was representing, maybe she was really dark and selfish, her altruism just a cover. Perhaps she was just a broken girl seeking the purpose her parents have left her without, too afraid to hold on to the love she had finally found. If she was the light then how could she have left him in that state? _How could I let them all die?_ The doubts swirled in her mind, mingling with the sensory overload, and the deep ache in her heart, threatening to paralyze her.

Eventually street opened into a great square, allowing for the first real view of the city. The Oplore capital stretched before her, towers and rooves a jagged line silhouetted against the hazy violet dusk. Neon signage glowed throughout, each twinkling light representing a hundred precious lives, each illuminating a peace that was about to be shattered by war. None of them knew what was about to happen, and it was her and Ben that had led them here. A part of her yearned for him to see this with her, to stand by her side, his arm around her shoulders and marvel at the beauty of the world. _He wouldn’t care less about the view, he would smile at my naivety and try to bed me again._ The thought made her smile, then the pain tightened in her chest once more, reminding her of her mission.

Surveying the scene before her she noticed the square was actually a road spiralling inward, and sinking ever deeper into the ground into an inverted pyramid. The beacon indicated that she was close and she followed the steps down. The ambience of the thinning crowd became hushed and she slowed to a walk so that she wouldn’t stand out. Instinctively she pulled her hood over her head, a much to counter the rising cold as to obscure her face. The whole structure was constructed of dark stone, obviously ancient, covered in carvings eroded away by weather and touch. Every few metres an alcove housed a large glowing orb, passers by casting long shadows into the centre of the pit. The force told her that there was life behind those lights, and looking closer she recoiled back at seeing dozens of sets of eyes glinting back at her, blinking slowly. _More lives to protect. THIS is why I’m doing this._

The purple smear of the sky above continued to darken, and the temperature dropped even further, prompting her to cross her arms tightly and tuck her hands into her armpits as she went. The base of the structure was no more than a small square. Four guards dressed in the same chrome armour as the men who had interrupted the bounty hunter attack stood at each corner half obscured by shadow. She could sense their eyes watching her, now alone with them, making her nervous. The beacon indicated that she was directly above its twin. _Finn, where are you?!_

She walked up to the nearest guard, feigning confidence and casual purpose.

“I’m here to see General Leia Organa.” Rey swallowed hard.

“Sure. Sounds legitimate. I need to see your identification.” If she could see his face behind that helmet she was sure he would be rolling his eyes. _I’m no one from nowhere and I’m trying to save your life, now let me through you idiot._

“You don’t need to see my identification.”

“We don’t need to see your identification.”

“You will escort me to General Leia.”

“I will escort you to General Leia. Follow me.”

He turned on his heel motioning to one other guard with a flick of his hand and Rey let out the breath she was holding. The guard typed a code into a tiny door she had not noticed earlier and it opened with a hiss. She followed them through it to find herself in a cramped stone passageway which abruptly widened into a brightly lit room, contrasting starkly with what lay just outside.

“Who is she?” More guards.

“Visitor for the Resistance.” The other guard scoffed as they passed him, clearly unimpressed by any of them, and she was lead through another hallway into a cavernous hangar, filled with small fighter craft she didn’t recognize. More guards milled around casually as others worked on repairs and cleaning. Her heart almost jumped out of her chest when she heard a sudden cry echo through the hall.

“Rey!!!” Fin ran up to her from behind almost knocking her over with a fierce embrace. “I knew it! I knew you would come!” Rey hugged her friend back overcome with joy and relief. It was short lived as he put her at arms length again.

“What has he done to you? Did he hurt you???”

“No! He hasn’t!” _You hurt HIM this time Finn, you just have no idea._

“Then why were you crying? And why are you walking like that? Are you injured?”

Others were now running up to them, Kaydel and Rose embracing her in turn, and behind them Poe walked over looking quite triumphant at her return.

“I think Rose would really appreciate it if you hurt her like that Finn.” Poe squeezed him on the shoulder and Finn turned to look at him dumbfounded. Poe just rolled his eyes while Kaydel stifled a giggle behind a hand and gave Poe a conspiratorial look. Rey couldn’t help but crack a huge smile too, in her own triumph that she has been so obviously and enthusiastically deflowered. _By Kylo Ren. Good. Let them know._

“He can’t be that bad if Rey is getting up to that with him.”

“I can’t kriffing believe you just said that! He’s an abomination!” Rose hissed at Kaydel completely unamused, and then began to inspect Rey’s face again. “Rey what’s wrong, what happened?”

“I need to speak to General Leia.” Rey steeled herself for grim task ahead. She considered for a moment whether she should keep it confidential, but realized that there was no point, they were all in it together. “The First Order is on the way here.” The group froze in shock. 

“So you’re telling me your boyfriend snitched and brought war straight to our doorstep?” Rey glared at Poe.

“He didn’t snitch!” _And yes he is my boyfriend just you kriffing try me._ “They already knew about this place, that’s how Ben knew to come here. The First Order has put a price on our head and Hux wants revenge. It was Ben that killed Snoke by the way, in case you need reminding.” Poe looked at her with narrowed eyes, but the urgency of the preparations they had to now make took priority and questioning motives was still General Leia’s jurisdiction.

“Well good to have you back Jedi.”

Poe turned to the rest of group and motioned for them to follow him. 

“Ben?” Finn whispered nervously to Rey as he walked beside her, asking to be filled in on a secret he couldn’t quite comprehend.

“Yes. Ben.” Rey’s reply was clipped and she struggled to contain her rising fury at the whole resistance. It was irrational, it was unfair, they only knew Kylo, but she was fiercely protective and her loyalties were now with Ben as much as them. Perhaps it was all just misplaced anger at herself, that she betrayed him for people who hated him. It was too much to think about and she sought to change the topic. “What are you doing here?”

“General Leia set co-ordinates for here when we first left that moon. What happened there by the way? I almost died when she ordered to leave you behind.”

“He’s not the monster you think he is, and you seem unwilling to understand that, so lets just drop it.”

“Okay, okay, I didn’t mean to offend you. I was worried. I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you on the Falcon.”

“It’s fine, you don’t need to apologize. I’m sorry that I’m angry right now, it’s all a bit too much. Tell me what you’re doing here? What’s with the armour?”

“We have been allowed to stay and join forces on the provision we acclimatize ourselves here and adjust to their ways. Poe and I have been going out on rounds patrolling the city. The General is negotiating with the Governor.”

“And what have you found out?” 

“That this place is very disorganized. There is no procedure, every post is understaffed, people do things when they feel like it. They are recruiting from the refugees, but they are untrained civilians for the most part. The equipment is ancient and the only ships they have are what you saw in that hangar and a few more like that. It’s absolutely crazy.” His face was twisted with worry, but there was still determined purpose in his eyes. Rey realized that despite his naivety with some of the ways of the world Finn knew military life backwards. And more strangely he radiated a quite confidence that was befitting of someone of much higher rank.

 _You could have had one more recruit. If only you would give him a chance. If only he could see past his pain and forgive himself. Or maybe I’m the deluded one and I asked Ben for the impossible then left him when he couldn’t comply. What if he leaves? I need to go back! I need to find him!_ She fought back more tears, panicked and desperate, his absence an enormous raw wound in her soul.

And very suddenly in the strangest of ways the world began to mirror her interior as the deafening klaxon of alarms blared through the complex. Red lights flashed, tipping everything into chaos and panic. _No. No! NO! Not yet! NOT NOW!_

“They’re here! Hurry up!” Poe shouted over the din and they sprinted down the corridor, weaving through soldiers rushing to their posts. Almost immediately they rounded a corner and she came face to face with General Leia. It sucked the breath right out of her as they met each other’s eyes knowingly, silently, in complete understanding of each other. Loaded with hope, and grief, and all manner of heartbreak. In the midst of disaster and on the brink of defeat.

War was here. Ben wasn’t.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings: graphic descriptions of war and child abduction
> 
> "I thought I was a baby,   
> until I held a baby.  
> What a fool a man can be."
> 
> Jack White

It had been a long time since Ben walked like this, through a street of commoners, eyes on the ground in dejection. He would sometimes run off after his mother would scold him for breaking something AGAIN. She had never understood the war in his head, against the encroaching dark, that voice, those nightmares. So often he had felt like he was beating his fists against a pane of transparisteel, begging for help, only to remain invisible. Or worse, to be reprimanded and punished. A monster. Slowly he had stopped trying, getting more and more accustomed to feeling utterly alone, wrapping himself in it like a blanket. Only that voice remained, whispering, reminding him how he had been abandoned. Right there in front of everyone but completely unseen. Of course his mother would have something else to say about all of that.

Why was he thinking of his mother now? It was Rey who shut him out, proved to him that all along he had been right, and a fool to hope that someday he wouldn’t be alone. That the wall separating him from everyone else would crack and crumble. A foolish childish hope that only set him up for more pain.

And the pain was bad. He’d felt many kinds over the years, countless flavors and permutations. The instant pain, and the delayed pain. The rolling heaving wet pain that would break into rages, the cold quiet dread that would seep any sense of joy and meaning out of life. Physical pains in their full catalogue, injuries, torture, electrocution, deprivation of every kind. Betrayal, humiliation, defeat, guilt and regret. The crippling self-hate, the thousands of cuts on his insides, one for every life he had taken. He had felt the suffering his victims in one way or another, and Snoke did like to educate him even more. This pain was the worst. It was as though his very soul was splintering, endlessly, without reprieve, without absolution. A scream that would reverberate through all existence, if it wasn’t completely unheard. A universe all of it’s own in the moment he plunged his saber into his father’s heart.

It was pointless to blame others, this much he was learning. If it had not been his Rey, his mother, his father, Luke, Snoke or even FN-2187 or Poe Dameron, it would have been someone else. There was something deeply wrong with HIM, and there always would be.

He stumbled over some broken paving and it brought his mind temporarily back to his surroundings. The alley was quieter than the main street, but the atmosphere was just as loaded. Each hole in the wall seemed to be a mix of shop and home, laid open to the street but with secrets in their depths. Haggling, laboring, familial dramas, lover’s quarrels, touches of affection, rank despair and savage humour, all discrete moments coexisting. Their bonds and togetherness twisted the pain of Rey’s rejection even more. He tried not to think about her, but he knew she would haunt him until his dying breath, he never did learn how to kill the past. It would kill him instead.

And now he was no one but a hunted man, stalking through the city barely noticed, the finishing dregs of a life winding to a close. All the grandiose aspirations he had chased to fill the gaping hole in his heart come to nothing. What was there to do now but to walk and look.

He disappeared into the crowd but for once a place deep inside started to feel right. This is what he always should have been, not a Senator’s son, a prodigy of the force, or the grandchild and heir of a Sith. He should always have been as insignificant as he had felt on the inside. There was no fear, hatred, or disappointment in the eyes he met. He drank in each of their faces in a new compulsion to memorize them, feeling a quiet but a desperate kind of kinship.

It almost didn’t quite register when the First Order fleet emerged from hyperspace, triggering a wave of screams across the city. It was no more than a sprinkle of darts in the darkened sky, distant and not at all menacing if one didn’t know what they were looking at. A small child or an animal would merely gaze up in wonder, and he himself had seen so much carnage this was almost mundane enough to overlook. His mind catalogued the craft and battle formations, assessing their strategy automatically and landing on vague approval. _No flagships. Hux making a show of being fashionably late again._ Slowly it dawned on him that this experience was actually profoundly new. He had always been the one to bring war, he had never been just one of the creatures scurrying on the ground when it came.

All at once the people he had been memorising were ripped from their daily lives, rushing about in panic, tripping over each other, crying, swearing, shouting. He watched their reactions from his dazed stupor, as though outside of himself, watching a holo screen. Some steeled themselves and began scheming and planning their escape, mental calculations evident in their eyes and movements. They scooped their belongings and fled for their vehicles. Others fell apart with horror and panic, imagining the worst, completely unprepared for the immediate need at hand. And some huddled over each other, trying to seek a comfort in community, as though their bonds weren’t about to be brutally crushed. He knew all about that.

The force rolled and heaved with so much life acutely disturbed, stirring nausea deep inside his being. It suddenly became all too real, the sound of children crying burning through everyone way before the assault even began. Their fear seared into his senses, reminding him of his own, or where his own should have been. Before long he found himself speeding up, to keep pace, eyes searching out for a place to moor his mind.

They found it in a little scene, nestled into an alcove by a stone door way.

“Mama, no! Please don’t go! Please don’t leave me!!!” A little boy, no older than three or four, sobbing in hysterics. His watering eyes and chubby hands pawing at a woman’s face, trying to find purchase, to persuade in any way possible. His voice sounded flat through spasmodic ghasps of air, words shuddering out of control.

The young woman’s face was a mask a reassuring calm, but Ben could see her hands shake as she buttoned up the boy’s jacket and padded over him to check everything was in order. “Shhhh. You must stay here, I have to go and stop the bad men, then they won’t come here. I will come back I promise.” Her voice, however, was thick with knowledge. “Ninny made some porridge for you, be a good boy and have some while you wait.” Her reassurances hit that boy the way Leia’s landed on Ben’s pane of transparisteel. That is to say they never reached him.

“No Mama, I’ve been good! Don’t go Mama!” The boy’s eyes swept back and forth looking for a strategy. “Look, I hurt my knee. Help kiss it better! “ He was vibrating with desperate urgency, jumping up and down to keep her attention.

“Get that child inside, stupid woman! He’s young enough to harvest.” A stranger growled while rushing past.

A pair of ancient hands emerged from the doorway and pulled the boy in by the shoulders. “Off with your nonsense!” The elderly woman bent down to the sobbing child, voice softening. “Come Sam, lets go have porridge before it gets cold.” She led the weeping boy away, casting a terrified look back over her shoulder, a jarring a thing to see on such a wizened face. The boy followed in a stupor, his entire world shattering around him.

“Hide him.” The mother mouthed, face pale and trembling, and turned to run toward the approaching sounds of blaster fire.

Ben wasn’t sure why he followed her, shadowing her through the alleyways. Perhaps it was that he needed to know what would happen next, or was it the powerful nexus of force that was swelling from her heart, anguished but burning with unparalleled resolve. It reminded him of his own mother, and the realization began to undo his detachment from this drama even more. He’d always felt she misunderstood him, but perhaps that went both ways.

The ground forces were landing through out the city, in the routine way they had established from subjugating dozens of worlds like this. TIEs roared past taking out the larger, more prominent buildings, both to cripple the society and to disable any potential defenses lying within. The woman ran toward it all, not away.

They reached a small square where the fighting had begun in earnest. Not that it was a fair fight, it was mostly just civilians with scavenged blasters and a handful of the same peacekeepers he had seen earlier, odds wildly skewed. Ben slid to a halt and stayed behind the cover of a wall, and watched in shock as the woman ran straight into the melee, firing with all the ferocity of a protective mother, but with woefully inadequate aim. _Too young to know better, too afraid to even think._

A storm trooper approached from behind casually, spotting an easy victim. He grabbed her by the hair and shoved her face first into ground, shooting her in the back without hesitation. It was so fast Ben didn’t even have time to react. He reeled with shock, how many deaths had he seen, why was this one different?

“Check every house! Take every infant. These vermin will only corrupt them.” He didn’t need to say it, every man there knew his origin and the storm troopers began breaking down doors one by one, to terrified screams within.

The guilt of what he had been fighting for all these years swept through Ben, nauseating him, tightening around his chest with every pant, each breath shorter and shallower. He began to keel over into the wall he was hiding behind, a monster AND a coward. He watched his hand slide down the crumbling plaster. _A hand that had enforced this nightmare attached to a man that should be put to death._ The world spun around him, he thought he might throw up, but his throat was too tight.

“What are you going to do?”

Ben swung around, to see a tall man in Jedi robes, transparent like a holo and fringed with blue light. He knew that face, he had seen in in the archives when he went mad with obsession at finding out he was Darth Vader’s grandson. He had poured over that identity card, as he repeated the events of Order 66 to himself like a mantra.

“Grandfather”

“What are you going to do?” The man repeated with the calm of someone posing a philosophical question.

“Why are you here? Now? How many times have I reached out to you and you had never come like this. I _begged_ for guidance!”

“So you didn’t feel the pull to the light? Your heart is the same as mine, and they will always resonate with each other, even Snoke couldn’t interfere with that.” Ben reeled with confirmation of what he was already starting to see himself.

“So what are you going to do?” Anakin’s eyes were fixed on the battle before them, and there was a knowing there that transcended all of Ben’s experiences in one fell swoop.

“I have done enough.” The words spilled from his mouth of their own accord, but even then he could feel the lie in them.

Anakin turned at him and waited until Ben met his eyes. “I have done far, far worse, and still love eclipsed it all in the end. I couldn’t finish what I started then, but maybe you can.” His eyes returned to the battle playing out in front of them, soldiers and civilians alike, maiming, desecrating, killing.

“So what are you going to do?” he asked again.

Ben let those words roll over him to test where they landed in his being. The walls that have separated him from all others were already breached, and devastating barrage of their suffering was flowing into him through the force. He wasn’t separate, he was one of them, and their fate was tied intimately to his own. He saw Rey too, her tear stained face, hope for him in her eyes, the new life that was likely taking hold in her womb even now. If he lived through this, he might even get to put his hand across her belly and feel it for himself.

His thumb, having found the switch of his saber, pressed down, and blood red light spilled on the ground anew.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh god what is this fic doing to me. I need a mental health day.


	17. Chapter 17

Finn braced his body as he pulled the final strap of his armour tight across his chest. It was a joke really, what he was being asked to do. A fool’s errand with 100% chance of failure. Their defences were abysmal. But he would do it, even if it cost him his life. _A cause worth fighting for is a cause worth dying for, no matter the odds_. And die they all would, on the battle field or in a First Order prison, if they were lucky. Or unlucky. Depended on the warden. Depended on Hux’s mood.

He had reassured Rose, mustering all his manly courage, as though it was his rightful task. Rose hugged him back, with full knowing she was really the more seasoned one, and Finn was the one in need of the embrace. One last disbelieving look at each other and he was out in the chilly panicked air of the city, jogging with the rag tag company of men, blasters ready. Their orders were simple, protect civilian life at all cost. This either meant that any further defensive strategy was top secret, or that there was none. Finn knew in his bones it was the latter. It didn’t bear thinking about.

They followed the now familiar alleys to the heart of the conflict, smoke rising above the roof tops guiding the way. Someone must have inadvertently started a fire, an oil pot crashed into a hearth, or something else stupid like that. It was too small a blaze to be a ship crash. He had been trained in identifying hazards on the battle field, this fell firmly into the category of civilian panic. TIE fighters made passes over head, far outnumbering the small Oplorian fighter craft that had swarmed out of the hangars like bats disturbed from a cave. The dog fights were brief, the damage was quick, the wreckage bombed the buildings bellow. Collateral damage. Those fires were much bigger. 

Finn gritted his teeth inside his helmet and pressed on. He had saving to do, or more like stalling. But it was killing that was really about to happen. And dying.

“You two. Break off and approach from the west. Keep cover until absolutely necessary. Do you have the grenades?” The captain barked out and motioned with his arm.

“Yes sir!” Finn followed his new partner and began the to creep the periphery of a wall encircling the square where the conflict was at a peak. He could feel it vibrate with the carnage going out behind it, and some debris fell on his helmet as a distant crash shook it loose from a rooftop. Screams pierced the night air. And wails. Some were silenced instantly, probably via blaster. That was the thing he was learning about war, it was so horrific it felt like a dream. 

“What in the hell…” His teammate retreated back from peering around a wall. “That’s not something you see every day.” He held his blaster high, ready to swing back around and take a few covert shots, visibly panting. 

“What?!” Finn had to see for himself. He shoved the other man to the side to take his position and inched his helmet out from behind cover. _No, you don’t see that every day._

A figure was hurling storm troopers around like they were ragdolls. They slammed into walls and slid down into unconscious heaps of white armour. Someone fired a blaster at him and he froze it in mid-air, returning it to its source in a casual volley. Finn’s throat tightened as he squinted to see who it might be, mind already racing to it’s preposterous conclusion. _Kylo kriffing Ren. Mowing through the First Order. Dressed like Han Solo. AND he looks like he’s enjoying himself. Of course._

Finn wasn’t quite sure what surged through him then, or why he raised his blaster and headed straight toward Kylo. Perhaps because it was the sheer hypocrisy he was witnessing. Perhaps it was because of Rey, and the predator who had seemed to ensnare her pure and forgiving mind. Perhaps it was because he was killing storm troopers when he had ordered them to commit atrocities not even a week earlier. And called him traitor. __Well who’s the traitor now?__

It was some kind of miracle that he made it through the melee unharmed, his team mates covering for him, everyone else too distracted by the rampaging force user to attack. He saw Kylo note him in the field, deem him not a threat, then bring his hand up and drag a passing TIE fighter out of the sky, crumpling the wings with piercing crunches of metal, and pull it down disabled onto the street nearby. The action stunned everyone frozen for a brief moment, then scattered them, emptying the square.

Finn pulled off his helmet and threw it on the ground, drawing Kylo’s attention once more.

“You! Kylo Ren! HOW DARE YOU!” That really got his attention. He swung around to face Finn, and his black eyes narrowed in recognition, light saber spitting and crackling by his side. The one that almost killed him. How could he forget.

“FN-2187”

“You think you’re a hero now do you? Switched teams? How does it feel, TRAITOR? Killing the men that you used to order to kill! Enjoying yourself?!” Finn brought his blaster up and fired at his face for emphasis, knowing there was no chance of success, rage continuing to fuel his irrationality. Kylo predictably froze the blaster fire in mid-air. His eye twitched and his face began to tighten into that characteristic hateful sneer. His eyes continued to read the field around them, scanning for new threats.

“Well? What do you have to say for yourself!”

 _What does Rey see in him?_ Finn eyed Kylo up and down, making a show of noting his outfit. _Dressed like Han Solo, the absurdity, the mind-bending disrespect!_

__Yes, I agree, not my choice of attire, ask your friend. She’s very pig headed._ _

Kylo’s voice spoke in his head, and it wasn’t hostile. At all. Finn stepped back in shock, breath coming even faster. _No, how could it be._ Kylo’s sneer was gone and he looked embarrassed. Ashamed even. 

“You don’t get to be ashamed! You should be dead for what you did! You are alive, Han is DEAD!” Finn pointed his blaster at his chest, the same place that saber pierced Han, a new surge of rage egging him on.

Kylo’s eyes snapped up and bored into him with sharp focus, registering the significance of his aim. Finn suddenly felt like he had gone way too far, awoken an unmerciful beast. _Kriff. I’m dead._

But if Kylo’s behaviour seemed uncharacteristic before, it became completely bewildering now.

“Yes. You were there. You saw it. Who better to judge me.” The words were cruel and hard, like knives. He switched off his saber and tossed it to Finn’s feet, sinking to his knees. Finn looked at the saber and at Kylo now kneeling several paces away in turn. The man panted as he looked past Finn into middle distance. Finn felt frozen in place. _This is a trick._

_It’s not a trick. Do it._

“Get out of my mind!” 

“Do it.” 

Finn assessed the man before him, a myriad of thoughts crashing in at once. All his sins, all the innocent lives he had taken. That massacre on Jakku, and Han. But he also remembered Rey, defending him, again and again and again. The way he left when Rey told him to in that confrontation with Poe. And this behaviour… was not of an evil doer. The arm holding his blaster lowered slowly. He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t kill Kylo Ren. 

Kylo looked up at him waiting, his determined readiness to die turning slowly into surprise. Into shock. He lowered his eyes, and shook his head slightly as though wrestling with something incomprehensible.

“And it’s Finn! My name is Finn!” Finn turned on his heel and began to walk away with determination, wanting to put as much distance between himself and this scene as fast as possible, not being able to process it himself.

“Finn!” Kylo called out after a moment, and the surprise of hearing his name used brought him to a halt. He turned around slowly. Suspiciously. Nervously.

“It’s Ben! My name is Ben!” Finn could only blink. Kylo said that name the way Rey had said it. And Finn more than anyone understood the power of a name. 

Kylo continued. “You’re right. Killing them is hypocrisy. Death won’t make any of this right. If you want to do this another way, if you help me, I think I have an idea.” He stood up and walked closer, pulling his saber back into his hand with the force. Finn instinctively drew back, but there was no guile in Kylo’s demeanour, indeed he did look like he was in the middle of an epiphany.

“What’s in it for you?”

The man paused for a moment and appeared to search his mind.

“Unfinished business.” He replied finally.

Finn knew when he was being fed a line. He’s heard them his entire life, an endless stream of them, telling him what to think, feel and do. It wasn’t revenge that was in this man’s heart. He was saying what he thought would be believed. And if he had said anything different, Finn wouldn’t have believed him anyway. Ironic that the lie would reveal the truth. 

“I can’t believe that I’m actually considering this.” 

Ben’s eyes had already left him and he was searching the sky for something in the same manic way, Finn was forced to admit, he’d seen Han do on their mission on Starkiller Base. _Kriff._

“So what’s your plan? _Ben?”_ He couldn’t help but sound sarcastic. He would be sure to remind this Kylo look- alike just how much he _didn’t_ like him. They stood there for a long moment, Finn feeling increasingly like an idiot, a fool in some sort of scam.

Ben’s face flashed into an expression of devious triumph the instant more screams echoed through the city. Finn looked up to see the immense silhouette of an imperial Dread Naught joining the fleet, dwarfing the star destroyers into tiny gnats.

“Ah. Hux is feeling cocky. The fool brought us exactly what we need.”

“You’re insane.”

Ben looked over at him, and the corner of his mouth twitched into a half smile. Then, something momentous happened.

Finn smiled back.

He still didn’t quite know what the plan was, but between such a powerful force user, and both of their knowledge of the inner workings of the First Order, suddenly things didn’t seem so hopeless.

“I think I’m going to enjoy this.”

“Yeah. Me too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The bromance awakens. Who knew? I suppose they do have a lot in common when you think about it.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi to all my gorgeous readers! Apologies for the long delay in posting, life has somewhat gotten in the way these last few weeks. Rest assured this fic will be completed very soon, next chapter is almost done and the final one is 80% done too. I've been working on them in tandem to ensure continuity and that all the loose ends get covered! 
> 
> I've also been a beta for the awesomely talented WinglessOne and her amazing Vampire AU - Perfect Illusion. Please check it out! We have also collaborated on a Throne room fight AU which explores the creepy predatorial sub-text behind Snoke. Please subscribe to me as an author if you would like to receive an alert when I post it. A word of warning though - it's very dark, it will be tagged appropriately but I can't emphasize enough that it's ... heavy. 
> 
> This chapter is very short, longer ones to come for the finale! Enjoy :)

Poe adjusted his helmet, took a deep breath and guided his new ship through the hangar door. It wasn’t a new ship by any means, the design looked to be from the pre-empire days, and the red paint had long faded to a dirty patina. In fact he thought it was probably scrap metal salvaged from a neighbouring system, repaired just enough not to fall apart. The whole Oplorian fleet, if it could be called that was a disastrous afterthought. He couldn’t complain. It was still more than what the resistance had, one beaten up old freighter and two dozen crew. A mote of dust in the monstrous eye of the First Order. If only they had had more time, if General Organa had been more successful with negotiations, and procuring funds, maybe then they would have stood a chance. Yet something inside him refused to acquiesce to their imminent doom. His hands itched at his out-dated controls, reflexes ready and sharp as ever, delicious rush of adrenalin taking over. As much as he felt the call to leadership, this is where he preferred to be. Somehow the sorry state of the ship and it’s reduced functionality only made the challenge sweeter.

It rose above the sprawling city, the sea of lights tipping bellow as he lined himself up himself behind his first victim. Two rounds of fire and the TIE fighter exploded into flame, the remaining debris raining down onto rooftops. This triggered a pursuit by another two TIEs and Poe bit his lip, smiling as he out maneuvered them effortlessly. He spotted an Oplorian ship about to be taken out, and with a sharp twist of the controls he dispatched that TIE, while still being pursued by his own. He scanned the ground bellow as he flew past and spotted the tell tale gleam of white armour, a whole regimen just landed to do their worst on the civilian population. Another volley of fire and they were all but debris too, flying up into the air with dust and pavers. Having gained a bit more altitude, he spun his ship to face his pursuers. Just then another Oplorian craft flew past and took out both ships with one of the unlikeliest of shots he’d ever seen.

“Damn! BB-8 did you see that!” The droid beeped back in appreciation before telling him to stay focused. As if he needed the reminder. They were outnumbered five to one, and it should probably have been worse if the First Order hadn’t been holding back. Hux was toying with them, dragging things out to savour the destruction like the psychopathic maniac that he was.

Poe couldn’t help but track the other Oplorian ship, in awe of it’s deft manoeuvres, and uncanny intuition. He wasn’t the only one, because with each spin and lucky shot it began to collect more TIE fighters on its tail, hungry for a challenge.

“Poe! Poe! Is that you! Cover us!” Finns voice rang through the comm.

“Finn! How the hell, I thought you were on the ground buddy! I’m on it, hold tight!” Poe began picking off their pursuers one by one.

“Who’s the pilot?” Poe’s curiosity wouldn’t be silenced, despite the life and death situation they were in.

“Never mind!” Finn yelled through the comm, probably reeling from the pilot’s extreme manoeuvres. His deflection only piqued his interest even more.

It only took a moment to notice the ship was heading straight for the Dread Naught, perched silently just outside the atmosphere. Last time he did this he had a whole bombing fleet in tow, and it still had been an extremely bold move. _This_ seemed like suicide.

“What do you mean never mind? He’s one of the best I’ve ever seen, heck he’d even give me a run for my money! And what the hell are you doing?!”

Finn groaned through the comm and it took a second for Poe to register that it wasn’t just distortion. “Just cover us OK? Were going in.”

“Going in? That’s insane!” BB-8 let out a series of nervous beeps. Finn groaned again.

They were now skimming the surface of the immense ship, dodging green bolts of turret fire. Just then the other pilot spun and twisted his ship around to take a shot that took out two TIE fighters at once. Poe took the opportunity to gun down the last remaining one, intuiting the strategy of the other pilot instantly. _What a team!_ And just as he did the other ship made a sharp arc into the open mouth of a hangar. It banked hard, appearing to defy the laws of physics as it slid to a halt inside, knocking munitions crates out of the way. Poe’s jaw dropped.

_That’s impossible._

He veered out, and made a loop to take another look, risking life and limb for sheer curiosity. He’d taken out turrets in the immediate vicinity but more TIES were seconds away, alarms bringing focus to this sector of the ship because of the hangar breach. As his ship made another pass he saw the hatch of the craft pop open and Finn jump out, firing at encroaching storm troopers. Beside him a red streak of light ignited and deflected blaster fire. A light saber. _Kylo kriffing Ren._ The impossible landing now made sense, he had used the force. Poe urgently typed a code into the comm.

“Rey! Rey are you there?” After a slight delay, an exasperated female voice answered back.

“Yes! What is it! A bit busy down here!” She was panting with exertion, the sounds of battle in the background.

“You’re not going to believe this…” Poe took a moment to change course in order to avoid more turret fire.

“Well out with it! I don’t have all day!”

“Finn just broke into a Dread Naught!” Poe couldn’t help but laugh with the absurdity of it all.

“What???” She hissed, as shocked as Poe assumed she would be.

He remembered how devastated she looked last time he saw her, embracing Leia and crying into her shoulder, before sucking it up and getting down to the business of war. She so clearly loved Kylo that it almost made him sick… if he had not been a romantic himself… which he was. Now it warmed his heart to give her this news.

“Finn broke into the Dread Naught! And you will never guess with whom. Your boyfriend! You were right about him! You were right!” BB-8 cooed in the back of his ship, equally awed.

There was only silence on the comm aside from the quiet crackle of static.

“Rey! Rey are you listening? Rey, are you there!?”


	19. Chapter 19

The hangar of the dread naught was filled with smoke, blaster fire, and alarms blaring out of control. Ben tapped deeper into his reservoir of rage. It fed the dark side of the force in him, allowing him to wield its power. Those threads joined and mingled with the new light, as strong and pure as Rey herself. Together they allowed him to harness more power than he ever had previously, a breakthrough in his training, the conflict in him finally put to rest. The dark, the light, all just tools dispatched for the task at hand. His mind focused on it like a laser, cutting through distraction and self-doubt as quickly and easily as he now trampled on anyone that stood in his way. And the task was simple: bring down the First Order. And with that bring down anything and everything standing in between him and Rey.

It took seconds from their sudden arrival for the chaos to break out, and Ben reflexively had turned on his saber to deflect being shot at, a mistake he only realized a moment too late. Now Hux knew he was on board, it would make things that much harder. The storm troopers were now flooding the cavernous room by the dozen. Ben wasn’t deterred.

“Second passage on the right! Beyond that are some service tunnels that pass directly under the bridge!” Finn screamed out in his direction, over the pandemonium. He was taking cover behind the blaster hole ridden remnants of the wing, brow already drenched in sweat.

_Might be better if you don’t announce our plans to everyone within earshot. I can read your mind, remember?_

Finn swung around with a jolt, giving him a dirty look, before continuing to fire at the enemy in sporadic bursts.

 _Then you can hear I was planning on giving you a tour of the sanitation bays. Maybe a trash compactor!_ The image of Phasma being shoved into a pile of garbage flashed in his mind. Ben would have laughed, had they not been under attack. The former storm trooper was way quicker to catch on than he ever would have guessed, despite his supremely undefended mind. It made sense then he was the first to bail on the First Order. In that he had outwitted Ben by miles, unencumbered by the Skywalker legacy and emotional baggage that had only served to blind him. The humble simplicity Kylo Ren had so derided appeared to have been vastly superior all along. Perhaps Finn’s moment of insubordination on Jakku was a premonition of what was to come for Ben, something deep inside him recognizing this, and staying his hand from making an example of him. In any case, Finn might have been smarter, but Ben had the force. He would have to use it to his utmost to carve a way through this mess. With a sweep of his arm he dragged the ship they had arrived on into a regimen of storm troopers, temporarily halting the onslaught of fire. 

_Take out the surveillance!_ He barked at Finn, who nodded back _,_ scanned the walls and fired a few expertly aimed shots. _Lets go!_

They sprinted into the direction of a small doorway, but just as they did another regimen of elite troops poured in blocking their way. _Kriff!_ They were so far outnumbered even Ben agreed with Finn this was sheer madness. There was only one thing to do. He closed his eyes, dug deep into his centre and executed a collective force sleep, stumbling to the ground with the sheer effort. The sound of armoured bodies hitting the floor preceded a sudden silence, all activity brought to a halt. Ben opened his eyes only to see Finn had been knocked out too. He groaned, he would have to think fast, the force sleep would only hold for a few more moments. The distance to the escape was too long and strewn with obstacles and he was now too fatigued to drag Finn all the way there.

He took his saber and began to cut a hole into the floor, the blade spitting and crackling violently as he forced it into the durasteel. Having made small opening he pushed Finn down into it, his armour sizzling as it slid past the molten lip. There was a quiet thud as he landed bellow and Ben jumped in after him, quickly dragging a munitions case over the opening above them to cover their tracks. The redirection of the force ended the collective sleep just as quickly as it set in. Finn sat up rubbing his head, while the soldiers above began to get up, their muffled voices now audible through the floor.

“What the hell? Where are we? What happened?”

“We’re under the floor. Get up, we have to move fast!” Ben replied. Finn scrambled to his feet and they began to weave their way between the supporting beams, heads ducked low to avoid the pipes. The air was hot and stale, the ship’s life support system not designed to service such crevices efficiently. It made the cramped and dark space all the more claustrophobic. 

“So what’s your plan exactly? You never told me” Finn turned around to ask Ben, panting as he lead the way to the service passage they had originally decided to take. 

“Were going to pay Hux a visit. He will be expecting us.”

“I hope you’re not planning to drop to your knees like you did with me, ‘cos if you are I’m out.”

“Yes in fact I am, it worked last time. In any case, I might get to suck his cock while I’m down there.” Finn froze and shot Ben a horrified look, before realizing that it was a joke and laughing nervously. “I had a teacher once.” Ben continued. “I thought he was a stupid man but there was one thing that he managed to get across to me before he died.”

“Oh?” Ben could sense Finn’s bewilderment at the sudden shift of topic. 

“The Supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting. I read that line years ago, I just didn’t know what it meant until now.” 

“You’re talking about Luke Skywalker aren’t you, and what he did on Crait. Are you going to tell me the plan or what? I’m not here for a philosophy lesson.” 

“Hux has the codes of a new weapon his research team has developed. And you… you have something too” 

“I have something too? I have a headache that’s what I’ve got! Just tell me the kriffing plan!” They had finally reached the beginning of the service tunnel, they were directly underneath it, the floor above them now turning into grating. 

“You’re going to start a rebellion.” Ben replied simply.

“I’m a WHAT? That’s it! I knew it! You’re completely off your rocker! I can’t believe I agreed to this!”

“What was that!” A Fist Order officer bellowed above them. “I think I heard something!” Finn clamped a hand over his mouth and Ben flashed him an annoyed look before whispering something under his breath. “False alarm, this area is clear! Proceed to comb sector 31!”

“But sir!...” A muffled voice of a storm trooper replied.

“I said move out! NOW!” The officer sealed the door above them leaving the service passage empty. Finn breathed a sigh of relief and looked at Ben suspiciously while Ben shrugged, feigning innocence. They pulled aside the grating, climbed through and sprinted to their destination.

 _Were almost directly under the bridge._ Finn turned to look at Ben to check he was heard, no longer willing to speak aloud. Despite his misgivings and their merciless ribbing Ben could sense Finn’s trust, and he trusted him in return.

 _I will have to create a scene to clear the room. Block the doors and cover me._ Finn nodded and his jaw tensed as he gritted his teeth, blaster ready.

They stepped into a small service elevator and exchanged a somewhat nervous look, both taking deep breaths to prepare themselves.

 _It will be fine_ Ben reassured Finn, and the man next to him nodded again repeating it to himself a few times internally, grateful for the kind gesture. _  
_

Once the doors opened it was only a few moments of sudden violence before Ben was striding toward Hux, freezing blaster bolts in mid air. It was all that he could do to restrain himself from completely obliterating the man right then and there, hatred coursing through him, and turning into that familiar blood lust. Finn defended from behind while the First Order staff screamed and began fleeing the room, emptying it in moments. The other commanding officers bailed too, unwilling to risk their lives. Hux looked around in a panic, but he was trapped and they were now alone.

“What? Not happy to see me? After coming all this way?” Ben sneered. Hux began to back away, hatred flashing in his cold eyes. His retreat was halted as Ben brought him up into the air.

“You will never get away with this! The First Order will never follow you! They know exactly what you are!” Hux choked and spluttered, face turning red. His fingers strained to pry a phantom hand from his throat in vain.

“That’s true…but you assume too much. Maybe I’m here not for business, but for pleasure” Ben gave his throat another little squeeze. “Besides, we have a much better candidate for leadership.” Hux’s eyes swivelled over to Finn. “Ah yes, you recognize him. FN-2187. How ironic, right?”

Finn flashed Hux a cocky smile and did a mock salute, starting to get used to the idea himself if still completely disbelieving it.

“You are insane!” Hux spat, lips curled with utter disgust. 

“That word has been thrown around a lot lately. I have to admit, I’ve always been curious how much it applies to you.” Ben placed his hand over Hux’s brow and forced his way into his mind none too gently. Hux grunted like an animal at the pain of the intrusion, desperately trying to free himself, the veins in in his brow popping out in the effort. His mental defences had a lifetime of weight behind them but they cracked under pressure in the brittle kind of way that almost made Ben feel pity. Yet he wasn’t here just for entertainment, he had codes to extract. Hux’s mind ended up being predictably organized and Ben easily made his way to his pride and joy, experimental weapons. The code was right there, bright and clear. However, having achieved his objective Ben felt oddly compelled to keep digging, a morbid curiosity taking over. He burrowed deeper, past the veneer of painfully cultivated civility. There was rage and vengeance. Hux wanted to recapture Kylo, but not to kill him; his orders during the coup had been to take him alive. And beyond that lay something completely unexpected…a whisper of longing… _how dare he escape! How dare he leave me here alone!_

Hux bristled, suddenly mortified, and in a gargantuan effort succeeded in shoving Ben into the shallower portions of his mind.

“Did I touch a nerve? I’m not done yet.” Ben pushed back in with ease, ripples of pain rolling through him just as much as his captive, savouring the discomfort he was putting him through.

Hux sitting up in bed at exactly 4:00 not having slept, administering a precise dose of spice via a syringe. Chocking down a protein drink, more medication to make his stomach digest it. Combing his hair with military precision, avoiding looking into his own eyes. A sharp collar. A sharp dagger up his sleeve. Hatred for disorder. Paranoia. Manic zeal to bring the entire galaxy into line. Ben dug deeper. 

A small red haired boy cowering in the corner with black eyes and a split lip. A shadow looming over him. “I warned you. There is always a price to pay for failure.” A cold voice boomed above him. “No father, please!” The boy whimpered and gritted his teeth as he received another blow to the head. There was no remorse when he killed that man several years later. But then came another cruel man, and another boy kneeling before him. Tall and handsome, with maddeningly dishevelled hair, but a boy nevertheless. He had relished the punishment that boy received from Snoke, a part of him vindicated in a twisted triumph. Yet there was something else too, a kinship he felt when Kylo had killed his father, so deep as to be almost spiritual. Brotherhood. And even deeper than that, desire... a deeply repressed love. Then… betrayal, abandonment, loneliness and finally heroic doses of spice.

Ben reeled back in shock at what he’d just discovered. He had never guessed this is what lay behind Hux’s spiteful façade. It all suddenly made sense. He was no different to Ben Solo in so many ways, dealt a cruel hand and driven down a dark path. Perhaps his lot had been even crueller, or he was too delicate for this world, his soul snapped completely under the strain of abuse, and only a psychopathic shell remained. In any case Ben felt he wasn’t staring at an enemy; he was face to face with himself. And where he should have been disgusted and repelled, he only felt sadness and compassion.

Compassion was not something Hux was familiar with. He refused to meet Ben’s eyes, face contorted in humiliation. He mustered his final bit of strength and spat in his face. Ben wiped it off with his sleeve as he turned to Finn.

“When you spared me earlier? Why did you do it?” He said, voice slightly shaky. 

Finn looked at Hux and Ben in turn, completely at a loss at what had just transpired between the two of them. “Someone wise once told me that we will win not by fighting what we hate, but saving what we love. It seemed to make sense at the time…” he answered finally, looking extremely unsure. 

“Love is a strong word” Ben replied and he couldn’t help but think of Rey in that moment, and how her love had transformed him. In utter contrast Hux’s blue irises were constricted so tightly with fear the pupils were mere pin-holes. _How can he even see through them? Of course. He can’t. He had lived his entire life blind with fear._

“Yeah…. don’t read too much into that….” Finn said suddenly very uncomfortable.

“Yeah, no, I’m definitely not…” Ben released his grip and Hux dropped motionless on the ground.

Finn sighed with relief. “I almost thought you spared him...”

“I did. It’s force sleep.” Finn looked at him mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water, visibly confused. _Kriff. This is trashing my reputation_. _Maybe I like it after all._ ”Don’t read too much into that.”

“A bit hard to do at this point.”

“Shut up.”

“Gladly. Though you will score points with Rey for this, I’m sure.”

Ben gave Finn a wolfish grin in reply. _That should tell him everything he needs to know about me and my intentions. A half-truth if ever there was one_. The former storm trooper merely surveyed Hux’s motionless body on the ground, walked around to his front and booted him in the crotch, hard. Ben couldn’t supress his surprised guffaw. _Rest in peace Hux._

Their celebrating was soon interrupted. The doors that Finn had sealed earlier were now beginning to strain with the attempts of storm troopers trying to cut their way in. It was melting fast and it would be moments before they would be surrounded once again. They had no more time to waste; Rey was still down on the surface of the planet under fire, as was the entire undefended population of Oplore. Ben walked over to a computer terminal and began to type in the weapon code. 

“What are you doing?” Finn asked.

“I’m going to disable every single electrical device within the system. All vehicles, all droids, all weapons. This is one of Hux’s new weapons; it was designed to be directed at everything but First Order equipment. I’m deleting that part of the code, we don’t want to leave anyone out now, do we?” Ben smirked at Finn as he continued to type.

“The Supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting.” Finn echoed back Ben’s earlier words with a new appreciation. “Brilliant! Kriffing brilliant! Do it!”

Ben hesitated for a moment, trying to calculate in his mind what could go wrong, once the code was activated there was no going back. A voice seemed to echo through his mind “punch it kid” and he could have sworn it was his father’s. He took a deep breath and pressed the activation switch. An immense pulse emerged from the heart of the Dread Naught, nauseating him as it passed through his body.

Instantly, the lights around them wavered and died. Outside the windows TIE fighters froze in their trajectories no longer able to steer, carried on in their momentum by sheer inertia. One crashed into a neighbouring star destroyer, bursting into flame. Bellow every single light in the vast city flickered out. An eerie silence descended, the life support system of the ship they were on cut off. They began to lift gently into the air, suddenly weightless as the gravity simulator failed too.

Finn laughed, pumping his fist in the air, but as he did they started to lower back to the ground and they realized the gargantuan ship was beginning to tilt. They began to slide down into the rear of the room, as the dreadnought had the bulk of its weight in the aft of the ship. Outside the window the star destroyers tipped in unison, as though aiming at the planet bellow. Ben and Finn slid until they were perched on top of a console, as every object which wasn’t secured down tumbled past. Next to them, the door which had been almost been completely breached finally gave way with the change of angle, and several disorientated storm troopers fell in.

“Oh no, we weren’t completely outside the planet’s gravity field… we’re being pulled in!” Ben choked out, horror dawning on him. The fleet had been constantly correcting to stay in position so accurately it had completely obscured that fact. Now he had just initiated an utter catastrophe; the entire disabled fleet was about to crash into the city below. It was a bombardment far worse than any Hux had in mind, and down there was Rey, and all the people he had been trying to save. The face of that little boy crying in the alley flashed into his mind, another life about to be snuffed out. He had failed, worse, he had killed them all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would have tagged the unexpected Kylux... but it's completely unrequited, just in case it wasn't clear enough. :D Please comment and kudos if you enjoyed this chapter!


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is it! The final chapter! Thank you for everyone for your support, it has been an absolute blast! May the force be with you :)

The last thing Rey ever expected to hear coming through that comm was the exact news she received. The bearer of the news, Poe Dameron, only made it all the more extraordinary. Rey took in a shuddering breath, and her heart already pumping hard from being in the midst of a desperate battle actually skipped a beat. For a moment time seemed to slow almost to a halt. Somehow, she still had enough wherewithal to slip out of the action into a darkened alcove her hand trembling around the comm as if it was somehow betraying her sanity. Had she heard correctly? Had Ben really had a change of heart? To call it a change of heart didn’t even to begin to cover it…

“Rey? Rey are you there?”. Poe’s voice repeated. It rang with the same bewildered elation she now felt.

“Are… are you sure… Are you sure it wasn’t someone else?” Her voice trembled, half unwilling to believe him lest it was all a mistake and her heart would be broken all over again. Somewhere inside herself a little voice reminded her just how susceptible she was to telling herself pretty lies, like the one where her parents were coming back. _This_ was a very dangerous hope to cling to. Rey blinked to clear the tears gathering in her eyes, and the world turned to sharp focus again. The civilians she had been directing down into the entrance of the vast network of abandoned catacombs continued to rush past.

“I wouldn’t believe it unless I saw it with my own two eyes! Maker did I read the guy wrong. That or you really wove some real Jedi magic on him. Take care Rey, I gotta go.” Poe ended the transmission and she was left in silence.

Rey thought back to the intimacy she had shared with Ben only a few hours ago. The feeling of his skin against hers, the vision of new life growing in her belly they had shared, the unbearably soft way he had looked into her eyes before turning away, the heartbreaking urgency with which he tried to sway her to run away with him. As much she had dared to hope he had the strength inside him to face his past, the shocking way he was doing so took her completely by surprise. Yet what else should she have expected from someone who had spent his entire life in the flames? She knew herself the deepest torment was the crucible of transformation. One could be completely destroyed, or reborn utterly anew. It now seemed Ben was going through the latter. The spark of hope she had harboured in inside her now ignited into a great big flame, and the force stirred around her suddenly electrified. 

Yet, his change of heart was one thing, the predicament they now faced was another. Whatever Ben and Finn were up to up there, she could only act in anticipation of the worst thing that could happen. In that she had been just like General Organa, who immediately conferred with the Governor about options to protect the civilian population. In the end she and many of the Oplorian defence force had been ordered to open the warren of ancient passage ways that lay beneath the city. The inverted pyramid like structure she had descended into when she had first sought the resistance here was not a one-off thing, the entire city was in fact resting on top of an enormous subterranean citadel which had been abandoned centuries ago due to some mysterious plague. The entrances had long been bricked up and forgotten. The shambling city on the surface was really a refugee set up that had somehow become permanent. Indeed, it was because the refugee mentality was imbedded in the culture so deeply that they had allowed so many to come here when the First Order begun its blitz through the galaxy.

Rey took a deep breath, gritted her teeth and re-joined the effort to get as many civilians to the hidden entrances as possible. It was chaotic task to say the least, trying to communicate with panic stricken and suspicious populace was not something she had any preparation or training in. It was a very bold thing to be doing in a strange place that she had only arrived a day ago, but when the force had in its mind to use her the way it was, what else could she do? Somehow she had managed, the group that now followed her had bundled up their children and allowed her to lead them through the maze of alleys.

In a way, the insane pace of events since she had left Jakku had prepared her for this, for now she was used to thinking on her feet. In an even stranger way, the knowledge that Ben was now fighting on their side now allowed her to enjoy the action and the adrenalin, something deep inside her coming to life. If a Jedi was the harbinger of peace why did she feel the primal beat of war excite her? Why suddenly did the prospect of danger and death course so deliciously through her veins? Somewhere deep inside her all the heartbreak and rage she had felt for herself, and on Ben’s behalf was rising to the surface, intertwining with the light side of the force. I was almost as though the dark in her had awakened and was surging to a crescendo. Her senses spread out with new power, feeling acutely the stirring of each living being a klick in every direction.

_Kriff, what’s happening?_

Rey steeled herself so that the people she was helping wouldn’t see how affected she was. When the last of them disappeared into the small stone opening, she stepped aside to rest against the wall, fingers tinging against the cool plaster. She closed her eyes and for a moment she could see icy blue irises staring right back. She blinked and she was back in the alley, the starry sky above her marred with the silhouettes of the First Order fleet, two dozen black triangles with the Dreadnaught dwarfing them all.

“When you spared me earlier, why did you do it?” A voice seemed to echo softly beside her and she spun her head to see no one there. 

She took a few deep breaths, trying to centre herself, until the beat of her heart slowed into a steady rhythm. _You’re fine Rey, whatever this is, it’s fine…_ But just as she said this a nauseating shockwave went through her and all the lights went, the sound of blaster fire in the distance came to an abrupt halt. She looked back up into the sky completely startled. Things were most definitely not fine. The entire fleet appeared to be tipping, the aft of each ship slowly beginning to point toward the ground.

Rey blinked again, at first confused, then horror dawning on her in slow motion. She had seen something similar in a holo a villager had taken of the battle of Jakku. The star destroyers that had rained down on the desert were burned up on re-entry and had sent massive shockwaves through the sand on impact. She shuddered to think the kind of impact they would make here. The stone honeycomb of the catacombs would probably crumble like chalk beneath them, crushing all within. That was not all, whoever was inside the ships would die too, she had seen enough desiccated corpses while she has scavenged to assure her of that.

Rey watched frozen as the ships began to descend, feeling utterly helpless. Her eyes tracked them in the way prey watched the teeth of the predator close in, perceptions made even more acute by the strange conflagration of the force that had just risen inside her. It was because of this that she noticed something most peculiar, the ships already set in their trajectory ceased to pick up speed...they were falling a fraction too slow…almost as though they were somehow restrained.

 _Ben!_ She cried out with sudden realization. In that moment the sound around her was gone and he was before her, the force re-connecting them the way it had been since Acht-to. The room lay at a disorienting angle and Rey noticed how she was not quite within it. Ben was leaning on a computer terminal, still in the same clothing she had made him wear, now covered in dust. His eyes were closed in intense concentration and his lips were completely bloodless. He didn’t seem to realize she was there. Something inside her felt his life force flicker like a candle about to be blown out. He was slowing the fall of the star ships but it seemed he was sacrificing himself in the process. She looked around to see Finn who had his blaster raised and was motioning frantically at several storm troopers making their way slowly toward them.

“Stay back!! If you want to live stay back! He's the only thing that's going to keep us all from dying!” Finn appeared completely oblivious to her presence.

“That weapon is useless soldier, stand down!” One yelled back.

Without wasting a moment reached her hand toward Ben, touching his cheek softly, the force rippled up her arm with an incredible charge as they touched. “Ben…” His eyes opened a crack then widened with shock, lips mouthing her name silently. He leaned into her, burying his face in her neck as she embraced him, continuing to focus all the force he had under his command.

The sound around them seemed to dim and she though she heard bewildered queries of the soldiers questioning Finn. Now that she had touched Ben she would now be visible to them. Even more distant now Finn yelled something in reply. As those sounds receded completely the soft rhythmic intake of Ben’s breathing and heart beating took their place.

“Ben... you don’t have to do this…” Rey whispered urgently and pushed him back just enough so she could look at him again. His eyes were on her, that indescribable softness in them once more as he smiled weakly at her.

“It was worth it…” He didn’t get to finish his sentence as Rey kissed him fiercely, a hot crush of sweetness.

_If you die, then I die with you Ben._

With that thought she melted into him, her every molecule responding to his, the light and the darkness in them both entwining together. The force around them swelled to a deafening crescendo as their individual fields merged into one. Their bodies seemed to melt away and they were engulfed in blinding light.

A vision of the First Order fleet appeared in before them as though in miniature and floated in slow motion to the ground, guided by their combined will. The enormous hull of the dreadnought came to rest first. The whole thing lurched forward gently until it lay still like a fallen leaf, the rest of the star destroyers following suit. All became silent and still… then…sheer nothingness.

 

                      

***

 

 

Rey regained consciousness in the same alley she had decided to have a moments rest earlier. Still dazed she sat up and rubbed her head, dusting herself off as she did so. Almost immediately she thought of Ben, and it was like a bucket of cold water had hit her head. She reached out through the force desperately trying to find his signature. She breathed a sigh of relief as she found it bright and strong, fair distance away. Her hands were cold and trembling as she rubbed them into her face once more, and she didn’t know if she was laughing or crying.

The streets were still dark around her, but the screams of fright and aggression that had been echoing through the night air were now replaced with whistles of jubilation and cheers. Nearby she heard two men arguing about how the ships could have landed without having their engines engaged. One merely thanked the maker that the storm troopers were trapped within and no weapon in the entire planet seemed to be working anyway. A disgruntled voice interjected that they better hope that communications were down too and the First Order never called for reinforcements. Something deep inside Rey knew that they had not, that they were safe.

They weren’t the only ones wondering as to what had happened. The entire city was abuzz with the unlikely conclusion to the conflict, and Rey watched as many of the civilians who were sheltered in the catacombs were re-emerging with makeshift torches. The hulking shapes of the star destroyers loomed over the buildings, silhouetted against the deep violet of approaching dawn. They had landed so slowly it seems everyone had time to get out of the way, and the stone pillars of the catacombs had held, even as the homes directly above them were completely crushed. It was a surreal scene.

At length Rey made it back to where the Resistance had been taking shelter. A part of her was thankful for her relative anonymity. She needed rest badly, the last thing she wanted now was to answer questions, or indeed even to admit responsibility for anything that had happened. General Leia was no doubt still busy debriefing in the control room and the rest of the resistance had been out at various posts in the city. She found a hidden bench inside hangar door and collapsed into it, taking a long drink from a canteen. Around her technicians were hard at work at reactivating the droids, painstakingly rebooting their mainframes with nothing but hand tools. Rey mused quietly at the logistics of repairing all the equipment – and what parts of electronics would be irreparably damaged by such an immense electromagnetic pulse.

The shadows being cast by the dawn into the hangar door shortened slowly and she waited for Ben, knowing he was more than capable to make it out of the dreadnaught – after all he could use the force to open a door to get out. She hoped the storm troopers that were accosting Finn gave them no more trouble. Despite the relative peace of the moment, there was still the problem of thousands of stranded soldiers yet to be released out into the city. 

Her reverie was interrupted by Chewbacca’s enthusiastic greeting and she embraced her friend with glee. They were beginning to exchange stories when they heard cheers and commotion outside the hangar. Rey’s heart began to race immediately thinking of Ben and she instinctively remained behind a door to peer out unnoticed.

Outside Poe had just arrived clearly slightly worse for wear, flight suit covered in soot like he had escaped a fire. Kaydel was fussing over him, when they both stopped to see Ben and Finn approach with six stormtroopers in tow. Between them walked Hux, wrists shackled and fuming. Rey wished fervently she had been there for the confrontation which had clearly ended with more storm troopers defecting to their side. Nervous whispers spread between the several dozen onlookers milling about in the large courtyard.

Poe, as ever the natural leader took it upon himself to be the welcoming party. He surveyed the way Hux was stumbling forward bent over, hands over his crotch and smiled broadly. “You didn’t give him your loving attentions too, did you? I’m noticing a pattern here.” He said to Ben loud enough for all to hear. 

“No. That was Finn.” Ben replied, not getting the inside joke, and taken aback at being addressed so casually. If only he had known that he was referring to the way Rey walked after being so enthusiastically deflowered by him.

“Ah Finn! You were supposed to do that to Rose!” Poe slapped Finn on the back with a teasing grin, and Kaydel started laughing hysterically in the background. Then he blew Hux a lusty kiss and the generals face contorted in indignation. Satisfied, he turned his attention back to Ben. They sized each other up for a moment, before Poe extended a hand. Ben hesitated, then took it into a firm hand shake. Hux began to scream something unintelligible, almost frothing at the mouth. In an instant he was silenced with the wave of Ben’s hand. 

“Welcome aboard.” There was cautious respect in Poe’s eyes as he shook his hand once more. The significance of the gesture knocked Rey’s breath right out of her. 

“Yeah.” Ben muttered, still subdued with lingering shame. His eyes flickered around nervously, trying to find her through all the distraction. Rey remained hidden compelled to watch from the shadows, something inside her saying that he needed to go through this rite of passage alone. Right on cue she saw Ben’s eyes land on someone else emerging from the shelter, and the _other_ reason for his nerves suddenly dawned on her. It was General Leia. Tears began to well in her eyes as she watched Ben pale.

Finn motioned to one of the storm troopers and the man shoved Hux into the ground before her. General Leia, however, was too distracted to savour this victory. She commanded him to be taken away to the prison block, giving Finn a brief nod of approval before fixing her attention entirely on her son.

Rey wondered how such a large man as Ben could come from such a tiny woman, he towered head and shoulders over her. Only their dark eyes and the aristocratic cast of their faces bore a striking resemblance. Without a word sunk to his knees, powerful frame limp and shoulders bowed. There were tears streaming down his face freely and he was looking down at the ground in shame. She could feel his pain through the force, his entire life passing in front of his eyes for his mother’s judgement. His breaths came in quiet shudders as he willed his face to not contort any further, watched as they were by the entire resistance, defected storm troopers and Oplorians alike. The crowd that had gathered around hushed into silence, instinctually knowing they were witnessing a momentous event.

Leia walked over to him, and extended a hand, wiping a tear from his cheek, passing it over the scar with tenderness. Ben leaned his head into her and closed his eyes as more tears spilled down his face. He brought his own hands to cup over his mother’s, so much larger and stronger. It was all that Leia could take and she embraced him with fierce affection. All of a sudden he began to shake as he wept into her breast, reverting into a little boy. Leia held him tight, head turned to the sky and relief washing over her, weeping too. Her heart swelled with unreserved forgiveness, wrapping itself around her child with unconditional love. Rey knew Ben felt it, perhaps that was why he was crying so savagely, her love and forgiveness breaking down the last bit of his self-control.

There was not a dry eye in the crowd too, if not for witnessing such a reconciliation in the flesh, then for the power of it in the force, a great healing taking place before them. They sighed as sheer relief of having escaped with their lives washed over them, everyone receiving a second chance to make things right. Finn, Poe, Chewy, Kaydel and Rose, even BB-8, C3PO and R2 watched all watched on, hugging each other, exchanging smiles, reassuring words and happy beeps. 

Beside them appeared several figures, transparent and lined with blue. Master Luke and four others she didn’t recognize, standing solemn and proud. She nodded to Luke from the shadows and he winked at her with fatherly affection. Rey wondered if one of the ghosts was Ben’s grandfather, it would make sense that he would be here, having been redeemed in his final hours. Only Han wasn’t here to witness this and the absence filled her with grief, for she knew he would have been proud of Ben, his sacrifice on Starkiller Base now justified.  

At length Ben pulled away and looked up into his mother’s eyes.

“Can you forgive me?” His voice was thick and raspy. _Never quite believing he is loved, always needing reassurance. What a foolish boy, if only he knew._

“ _You_ did this.” Leia motioned with her arm to the city around them, the war that he had just brought screeching to a halt. “Last I saw you, you were a boy. Now you are a man, and what a man you are.” There was pride in her words as Leia brought him into her embrace again, still on his knees, then began to whisper something into his ear, each word soothing him more and more. He began to nod, softly, obediently taking in her instruction. The force began to calm around them, and their wills seemed to unite in a mystery Rey was not privy to, turning slowly into resolve and anticipation. After some time Ben stood up quietly still facing his mother, looking with concentration into her eyes as she brushed the dust off him and straightened his shirt.

“Come” she said, now audibly. “There is someone else for you to see.”

Rey’s heart began to beat out of her chest with a wild rhythm, and all at once she was trembling in the shadows she was standing. She took a deep breath and stepped out into view, knowing this was a point of no return, she was on the threshold of a new life. Ben’s eyes finally fixed on her, and her’s on him so intently she registered his pupils blowing wide. His face however, was now calm and he was standing tall, no longer ashamed, made even more devastatingly handsome by the tears still wet on his face.

They walked toward each other through the crowd as though fixed in a trance, not needing to say a word. There was no need to speak of the future or the past, it was completely and utterly clear they were in agreeance, open to each other in the force. Ben brought his arms around Rey, still gazing into her eyes, leaned down and kissed her deeply, unflinchingly. The simple and profound tenderness of it melted the entire world away. The cheers of onlookers, ecstatic celebrations, paralysed war ships scattered through the city, the entire galaxy of stars overhead, completely gone. It was just him and her. They had each other.


End file.
